Times Change
by Rivkayl Jaywash
Summary: A different version of how things might have gone. River was not helped out of the academy by Simon, but someone else. Simon is already on Serenity. OC involved. Has interesting implications for Simon and river's relationship
1. Chapter 1

**Things you need to know:  
**Simon is already living on Serenity; He and Kaylee are married and have a son, Andrew. He was fired when he spoke out about River and went to live on Serenity looking for work. from there... you know. River is fifteen; has been in the academy for a years and a half. Her psychic abilities are not as pronounced but still there. Her amygdala was never stripped. She and Ben are very close.

**Note: **I must apologies, the first... about three chapters are going to be a little jerky and quick; I had a plotline from a certain point, so been trying to think of a way to start it. So please bear with me, it will get better. forgive the inconsitencies.

The darkness of night brought little relief to the inhabitants of the academy. It was little more than a cover, as they knew it wouldn't prevent the doctors from completing their work. River felt nausea roll around in her stomach as she lay in her overly sterile bed, attached to a mass of monitors. Even their soft glow was aggravating the headache caused by concealed drill-holes in her head. Every part of her ached despite the strong IV painkillers that flowed through a catheter threaded directly into her heart; and the backup PCA she clung to. River focused on evening out her breathing, hoping that it would ease both the pain and the fear that kept making her stomach turn. It was all so absolute and unmoving that treacherous thoughts made her think the pain wasn't going to get better. _Stop it,_ River told herself. She hated being left alone with her thoughts, the paranoia always crept through. River gnawed at her bottom lip and focused again, this time on the fact that she wouldn't be alone soon.

Ben slid along the vents, the intricate maze not delaying him a minute. He moved with practiced stealth, barely making a sound despite the sensitive metal that encased him. He moved purposefully onward until, finally, the grate that denoted his destination came into view. Positioning himself as comfortably as possible, he sat at his vantage point and listened intently.

"….in recovery now, stats are remaining stable. The central line seems to be very effective in administering medication; she seems to have the lowest amount of pain yet for this early out of theatre."

White coated men sat easily around a table, conversing without regret. Ben gritted his teeth.

"That's good, if the success of her surgery is all you're focusing on," a harsh female voice sounded, "but I don't think you're seeing the larger picture. River's getting weaker by the day; her system just isn't able to handle this."

"What would you have us do?" a third input asked calmly.

"Withhold treatment," the female answered immediately, "Give her a break." Ben shifted slightly.

"The procedure will be more effective overall if we can continue it regularly," the first protested.

"Or it could not be successful at all. Believe me; I'm on your side. But if she's not able to adapt to it, then it's quite useless. Weakening her is not going to improve the chances."

"She seemed strong enough to me. Luckily I thought of bringing earplugs into theatre with me."

Various sounds of approval met his ears. Ben glared, wishing he could make the vent collapse on the people below.

"I think we'll go with the safe option. We have a new shipment coming in tomorrow; it's probably best if we don't have any screaming to arouse suspicion."

Laughter floated through the ceiling.

"Very well. We'll give River a twenty-four hour break; only maintenance medication is to be administered. Everyone alright with that?"

Ben didn't wait around to hear. He was probably late.

River heard the arrival, grinning but keeping her eyes shut.

"You're late," she whispered hoarsely. Finally allowing herself visibility, she saw Ben wrinkle his nose.

"Barely," he whispered playfully.

"Barely is still late," River whispered as Ben climbed onto her bed, ducking under drip chords.

"Careful with that one," River whispered pleadingly. Ben nodded, gently lifting the line that was connected to the catheter in her chest.

"Okay?"

"Yes." River smiled at him. Ben returned her smile, lying beside her. Unable to move much more, River let her head fall against his shoulder. Her hand searched for his. Ben took it, carefully avoiding the needle that stuck unnaturally out of it. He kissed the top of her head lightly.

"I'm sorry I'm late." He whispered. River marvelled at how he could make her forget her pain enough to smile.

"You're forgiven," she whispered, squeezing his hand to the best of her ability.

"Thanks." They lay together in silence for a while. River was grateful for the company, and the reassurance Ben's presence brought her. She closed her eyes again, leaning her head closer to him.

"They took you today." Ben's whisper wasn't a question.

"Yeah," River sighed, "early too. Guess they got tired of you trying to stop them." Ben laughed. They lapsed back into their comfortable silence.

"River?" she heard him whisper.

"Mmmm?"

"How are you feeling?"

River was half tempted to respond with 'how do you think', but they had long since passed that sort of flippancy.

"How do you mean?" she asked. The little of Ben's face she could see told her he was thinking.

"If we could get out of here tomorrow…" he said carefully. River's breath caught; but she held back her question.

"Do you think you'd be strong enough to run?" Ben asked.

"You have to elaborate," River told him. Ben chuckled.

"Which bit?"

"Are you saying that we could get out tomorrow?" River asked him, hardly daring to hope.

"Yes," Ben smiled at her.

"You'd better not be kidding me," River breathed.

"I'm not," Ben promised.

"How?" River's spent voice was not enough to conceal her excitement.

"I heard them talking," Ben explained, "they're not going to take you tomorrow, they doors will be open for a delivery…" he paused.

"Do you think you can do it?"

"Yes," River whispered, "what do we do?"

"_You _don't worry," Ben whispered, putting an arm around her shoulder carefully, "I'll come get you, then all you have to do is follow. It won't be easy," he added as a serious afterthought.

"I know," River assured him, "But it's better than here."

Ben sighed. "Anything's better than here." He squeezed her shoulders lightly. "Get some sleep; we got a lot to do tomorrow."

River's head fell back against him. The glow of the monitor's potency was stripped as the two fell asleep in each other's arms.


	2. Chapter 2

Waiting was terrible

Waiting was terrible. River lay in her bed until the nurses finally disconnected her. She endured the medications and warnings that she was to remain immobile for the day before they left, and she finally had a chance to test her legs. After a few laps of her room she found them sturdy enough, despite the lingering pain of her surgery. The few laps turned into a fully fledged pacing route as her uneasiness and impatience grew.

Despite waiting for it for so long, the sound of the grate being removed made River jump. Ben landed lightly, walking swiftly over and embracing her.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine," River swallowed, "are...are we…"

"We're going now," Ben agreed, "you alright to move?"

'I might be a bit slow," River warned.

"That's okay," Ben stepped back, "follow me, we need to go now."

River nodded dumbly, a combination of fear and excitement blocking her windpipes. Ben lifted her onto his shoulders and she climbed into the vent.

"Don't speak too loudly," Ben warned her, his head coming into view as he joined her, "it'll echo."

"Got it," River's voice shook; in the confined space her softest whisper could be heard with absolute clarity. Ben smiled at her.

"Don't worry, River," he whispered comfortingly, "it's going to work out."

"Okay," River sighed, releasing the pent up emotions before her stomach dipped again.

"Wait! What about Michael and Chloe, and Jack? We should take them too, take them with us…"

"River, we can't," Ben's face fell, "it'll be too obvious if all of us go."

"We can't leave them," a tear drop reverberated around them.

"We have too," Ben gripped her hand, "we won't make it out."

River dropped her head.

"Hey," Ben lifted her chin gently, "we'll come back for them. I don't know when, but… when we're safe, and a bit stronger, we'll come back. We won't leave them."

River wiped her eyes carefully. "Okay."

Ben leant over and hugged her.

"You ready to go?"

"Yes."

Mal had been in a bad mood all day. Coming to the core always did this to him, but he knew he couldn't order the companion to conduct her business elsewhere. The reasonable side of him told him that, at the very least, it was a rarity. And at least Inara was lumping it all together so that they wouldn't need to come back too soon. Still… overnight on the core… Mal shuddered. He heard Wash give the okay for the shuttle to detach and sighed.

Mal made his way into the kitchen, greeting Jayne with a nod. The doc and Kaylee were sitting on the couch, enthralled in their son's activities as he rolled around on a mat. Mal grinned.

"How's the rascal going?" he asked. Kaylee shot him a reproving look. Simon smiled.

"Fine thanks, Mal."

"Good to hear," Mal turned as Wash came down the stairs, "Inara get off okay?"

"Yep, she said she'd be back early tomorrow afternoon."

"Earlier the better," Jayne muttered, examining the hilt of his knife. Mal couldn't help but agree.

"Where you docking us?"

"Nearest is the Seaport Docks. They're pretty central, sorry, but the easiest to get to."

Mal sighed. "Its fine, we ain't looking for work here anyway." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jayne glower. Andrew distracted them all with a happy gurgle.

"Glad someone approves," Mal grinned. He strode out of the kitchen, intending to get some rest. _Might as well make some use of being here, _he thought sullenly.

Ben caught River as she slid warily out of the vent. The two immediately flattened their backs to the wall, taking no time to enjoy the fact that fresh air hit their faces for the first time in over a year. River was panting slightly, gripping the wall for support as much as concealment. Ben glanced around the corner.

"I think I see the exit," he breathed. River tried not to cough.

"There's a few guards, and the delivery people… they're about to go inside," Ben gripped River's hand, "are you ready?"

"Yes," River squeezed his, nerves constricting her chest again. Ben smiled briefly in reassurance before turning back to his sentry duty. He pulled her forward suddenly, hissing 'go now!' into her ear.

River broke into a run, or as much as one as she could. She heard Ben's footsteps begin behind her; within seconds he had matched her pace and put an arm around her back, pushing her onwards. Cries rang out behind them as alarmed guards watched the two subjects tearing along the concrete grounds toward the gates. Seconds later a siren rang out. Ben barely noticed the first bullet that whizzed past him, but as another grazed his elbow he looked up. Towers he had taken to be lights from his meagre vantage point were now flooded with guards. Their black silhouettes showed him each was armed and aiming for him and River. The gate was still a hundred metres away, but they were covering the distance well.

"Watch out!" Ben yelled to River. She nodded, breathing too hard to speak as she struggled on.

"I'm going to get the gate open," Ben shouted over the lead rain, speeding up. He almost slammed into the wire and fought with it immediately, threading the chain out. They swung open easily. Ben turned, frantically searching for River's whereabouts. She was struggling, but she kept her pace consistent. Suddenly she stumbled; Ben watched in horror as flecks of blood splattered the ground. River gasped fell forward; legs moving as though she was still trying to run. She hit the ground an instant later. Ben screamed.

"River!" he turned and pelted toward her, relief flooding though him as she lifted her head in response to his call. Behind her guards were running out of the dark building, armed with needles. Ben reached her first, ducking away from the missiles still being fired.

"Can you move?" Ben yelled above the noise. River nodded; and Ben wasted no time. He hauled her to her feet, supporting her under her shoulder. River gripped her abdomen, helping Ben as much as she could as they ran together. Glancing down, Ben saw her hand was covered in a translucent red. He swallowed and looked away. The gate was so near now…

He heard River whimper briefly as he increased their pace. It was worth it; for in the space of about two minuted they had broken through the gate and were sprinting for their freedom. They ran without looking back, tearing down the road that led to the bustling capital city of Osiris. Time saw the guards lose their track as River and Ben took every back road, alleyway and unexpected route and refused to give in


	3. Chapter 3

They didn't stop until nightfall

They didn't stop until nightfall. Both of them had agreed they would have a better chance if they kept moving for as long as possible. At the light fell River and Ben sought shelter in a large drain situated in a disused car park. Ben helped River down; holding a piece of torn clothing to the wound in her stomach. It was already soaked through. The dampness dug at them as they sat together, River leaning against Ben's chest, and watched the sun set for the first time in an age. Streetlamps flickered on the deeper the night got, and the two finally allowed themselves to relax. River's breathing was slightly laboured and the bullet wound was still bleeding. She leant tiredly into Ben's arms as he embraced her.

"How are you doing?" he asked worriedly. River gave a weak smile.

"I'll be fine," she assured him. Ben's features did not lose his worry, but he nodded and sighed.

"We'll have to be careful," he said, "keep our heads down, don't use our names around people… they'll have put out a bulletin on us already."

"I know," River murmured wearily, "what's our plan?"

"If I remember right," Ben began, "we're somewhere on the out skirts of Seaport. I think there's a dock somewhere around here. If we could get on a ship and get off the planet, maybe we could find a safe place to stay for a while."

"We don't have any money," River pointed out. Ben heard the exhaustion in her voice.

"I know," he leaned over and kissed her forehead, "and you should get some sleep."

"If you insist," River joked feebly, "one more thing."

"What?" Ben grasped her hand. River snuggled up against him.

"Just think for a moment…" she whispered, "we made it out."

Ben followed her gaze to the floating moon above.

"Yeah… we really did," he smiled back at her. River rested a hand on his chest and shut her eyes with a sigh.

"I love you," she whispered. Ben smiled and stroked her hair.

"I love you too."

Simon delayed joining Kaylee in their room for as long as possible. He used any excuse; from checking the infirmary supplies to taking Andrew for a walk to 'settle' him, turning a blind eye to the fact that Andrew was already sleeping in his arms. Kaylee didn't question him too much; something Simon was grateful for. His wife knew Simon hated being back on Osiris, and knew he appreciated space.

Serenity wasn't as quiet on land as she was out in the black. Simon had come to view the boat as more than just a junk bucket through Kaylee's eyes; and as he sat quietly with his sleeping son in his arms, he understood why. He sighed, staring at the shelves opposite lost in thought. He jumped slightly when footsteps sounded behind him but was soon calmed by the familiar image of Mal winding his way down the catwalk.

"Doc," he nodded before halting, "not a sleeper tonight?"

"It doesn't come easy to all of us," Simon smiled, glancing at his son.

"True," Mal agreed, smiling. "I got word from Inara; we'll be off this rock at about 1:30 tomorrow afternoon."

"Brilliant," Simon sighed.

"Yup," Mal started off, "see you in the morning, Doc."

Simon watched him go. Figuring he should probably get some sleep, he rose carefully, balancing Andrew as he went. Serenity echoed his movements and Simon retreated into its depths.


	4. Chapter 4

River woke slowly; something making her movements and thoughts sluggish

River woke slowly; something making her movements and thoughts sluggish. When she had the energy to keep her eyes open, she saw Ben staring solidly out of a pipe. It took her a moment to remember why they were there. As soon as she did she began to laugh, but it was cut off before it started as her stomach throbbed. Ben looked around, alarmed at the noise but smiled when he saw she was awake.

"Hi," he hugged her.

"Morning," River frowned; there was hardly any volume in her voice. Ben's expression fell like hers.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I… think so," River's voice shook and she began to feel aware of nagging pains throughout her body. "Maybe I just slept funny. How did you sleep?"

"Didn't," Ben smiled, "I kept a look out all night." River glared at him.

"You said we should get some sleep," she rebuked. Ben chuckled.

"I said _you _should get some sleep. It's fine. I just didn't want them sneaking up on us."

River smiled, letting him know he was forgiven.

"Thanks."

"Anytime," Ben smiled, "But I think we should start moving as soon as possible, maybe we'll get time to choose our transport."

River nodded. "Sounds good."

Ben frowned at the frailty of her voice. He leant around and pulled some of the steri-strips off her forehead.

"Can you see them?" River asked. Ben examined her with a critical eye and slight smile. Brushing her hair forward a little so they covered the scars, he grinned.

"You'll pass." River wrinkled her nose at him.

"Do you know anything about taking care of that?" Ben nodded at the bulge where the catheter was visible under her shirt.

"No," River sighed, "but they cleaned it pretty frequently so… I guess we just try to keep it that way. Oh, and try not to pull it," she winced, "it hurts."

"Speaking from experience?" Ben asked concernedly. River nodded.

"One of the nurses tripped over it when it was a connected… I could have sworn she pulled it out." River blinked, looking up in an attempt to draw the moisture on her cheeks back into her eyes.

"She didn't even say sorry."

Ben hugged her. "It won't happen again," he whispered. It succeeded in drawing a smile from her.

"No, it won't."

Ben slid out of the pipe, gripping her hand and drawing her out into the sunlight. River gratefully accepted his assistance in getting to her feet; she swayed unsteadily. Ben frowned.

"That's not good," he said, catching her and trying to keep his voice light. River clung to him while her head stopped spinning.

"Probably not," she breathed.

"River, tell me how you're feeling," Ben said gently, pulling her into the shelter of a doorway. River kept her eyes closed.

"Sore," she whispered, "and like my heart's going too fast. I don't feel like I'm breathing properly." She swallowed and looked up at him. Ben's face was masked in concern as he pressed the back of his hand to her forehead.

"You're burning," he gripped her wrist, checking her pulse. River took a deep breath in.

"I'm probably just… adjusting to getting shot," she sighed. Ben nodded, still looking worried.

"Come on," River whispered, giving him a weak smile, "let's go find the dock."

"If you're sure," Ben sighed, "do you need help to walk?"

"Maybe," River was just as uncertain about her current abilities as he was, but she didn't want to let it show. "Just hold onto me, maybe?"

Ben's smile turned full. "Always."

River grinned with him, gripping his arm and following him into the backstreets.

River sat in a small corner of the Seaport Docks, covered in a black overcoat Ben had nabbed for her. Despite the heat of the day and thick material she was shivering slightly. The bench she was seated on was just out of the way enough for her to avoid notice, yet still get a good view as she waited for Ben's return. River watched the crowd go by, each absorbed in their own world and none of them giving her more than a glance. In her current situation River knew this was a good thing, but she couldn't help wondering, if she was in real need of help from any of them, would they notice her? Or care? River knew she shouldn't be concentrating on there thoughts, but she couldn't help it. None of them noticed her, or any of the others for that matter outside their immediate care. Parents looked to children well enough, couples to each other, but aside from that they were oblivious. River sighed, bringing her knees carefully up to her knees to increase her body heat.

"Success!"

River jumped. She half expected to find that Ben had snuck up on her, but the source was something different. Two kids were playing together in the small courtyard as their mother spoke relentlessly on the phone. A boy of about ten had been standing with his legs apart as a ball rolled through them, a younger one bouncing up and down before him.

"I did it!" the child shrieked happily. River watch the ball roll slowly toward it as the older child forgot it, running to high-five his brother.

"Good job!" he encouraged. River bent down at retrieved the ball as it rolled under the bench. The older boy was looking around; River offered it as the boy's eyes fell on her. The boy ran over.

"Thanks," he said, eyes fixed on the ball. River smiled as he looked up. The boy's enthusiasm melted when he looked at her; he grasped the ball quickly and ran away from her. River frowned, confused as the children muttered together and shot looks in her direction. It was then she realised that her hair had fallen off her face to reveal the scars. Her breath caught and she quickly fixed it, looking away for the children. River's thoughts strayed again, to her own brother. She would have to find some way of letting him know she was okay… she knew he'd understood her letters, she'd read it as he used the same code she'd devised. She sighed. There would be time for that, maybe later they could even go visit Simon, when it was safer.

"Hey, you okay?" Ben had slid on the bench beside her, unnoticed while she was thinking.

"Yeah," River said, then again, trying to add some volume to her still-failing voice, "yeah, just thinking."

"Still bleeding?"

"A little," River briefly showed him the red patch on her clothes, hidden beneath the coat. Ben frowned.

"Gos se… well, I do have some good news."

"Really?" River raised her eyebrows. Ben laughed.

"Yeah, I know, shock horror."

"Care to share?" River smiled.

"There's a firefly docked here," Ben grinned happily, "My grandad had one. They have all these little hidden sections that smugglers use, it'd be great. And I know the layout, so we could get food and things without having to fly blind."

"That's great news," River smiled with him.

"The ship's name is really cool too," Ben continued, his enthusiasm lighting up his face.

"What is it?"

"_Serenity. _How cool is that?"

"That sounds fantastic," River smiled, mulling the word around in her head, "we could use a bit of that, huh?"

"Without a doubt,' Ben smiled, "It's leaving in twenty minutes. Shall we?"

He helped River up; her mobility had fallen drastically thought the day to the point where Ben had needed to carry her for a while. She gripped his shoulder and tried to set her stance casual, hoping to keep the illusion of being normal teenage friends, as the coat hid her dependency. Ben led her through the crowd, steering her away from anything that might strike for abdomen and chest. Glancing around, they slipped through a back door onto the platform where the ship was docked. River looked up at the intimidating machine while they hid in its shadow. Ben nodded and all clear and lifted her onto the ramp. Following quickly behind and supporting her again, they quickly crossed a large cargo bay. Ben steadied River against a crate while he turned to the wall, his fingers searching along the metal. With one fluid movement he pulled the panel out.

"In there," he whispered. River pulled herself forward, darkness engulfing her. Ben followed closely behind, pulling the panel with him. The darkness intensified, punctured by the small openings in the metal panel. River slid backwards until her back found the wall. Ben stayed forward, looking out through the slits in silence. River heard voices float about as people marched up the ramp.

"…. Book … nice to meet you."

"…. Board… upstairs…. Left one… kitchen."

"Engine's ready, captain!" a voice much closer sounded. Loudspeakers blared into life.

"Inara's on. I'm taking us up."

Ben sighed at the ship lurched. River watched him as he moved back beside her, quickly taking up her favourite resting spot against his shoulder. He smiled.

"Now we can sleep," he whispered. River nodded, her eyelids already falling. She didn't care about the time, her body longed for rest. It wasn't long before Ben heard her breathing slow in a calm sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

They slept throughout the night and late into the morning, both thoroughly exhausted

They slept throughout the night and late into the morning, both thoroughly exhausted. Ben woke first, moving as little as possible so he wouldn't disturb River as she was still resting against him. Through the wired panel he could see the crew of the ship walking by, sometimes talk, sometimes just examining this before going away. Ben listened carefully to what he could catch; trying to gauge the character of the people they'd gotten on with. He didn't gain much through the fleeting conversations.

River stirred slightly against his shoulder, sighing lightly. Ben cautioned her to be quiet with a gesture as soon as she opened her eyes. She nodded, and then screwed up her eyes. Ben gripped her hand immediately.

"What's wrong?" he hissed.

"I don't feel so good," River whimpered. Ben shifted her into the light, alarmed to see her looking incredibly pale. Her hand had risen in temperature more than he would have thought, and when he tested her forehead heat had hit his hand before her skin did.

"Your hand's so cold," she said blearily, "are you okay?" Ben hushed her hurriedly as the volume of her voice rose.

"Yeah, but you're not," Ben saw that she was shivering, "River I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine," River huddled against him.

"No, you're not."

"It'll pass," she breathed, "They'll probably take me soon anyway."

"What?" Ben frowned.

"I said… they'll probably come…"

"River," Ben gave her the slightest of shakes, "tells me what's happened in the last few days?"

River blinked, and swallowed. "Oh… I meant to…" She sighed, "Sorry, I know…"

"Tell me," Ben prompted again.

"We're out." River whispered.

"Where are we now?"

"On a ship,"

"What's the ship's name?"

"_Serenity," _River sighed, "I'm sorry I… I'm just tired."

"You're not well," Ben said gently, cradling her head as she leant into him.

"I'll be okay," she sighed. A few moments later she was asleep.

She woke very rarely, and only for a few minutes at a time. Ben felt an unmoving weight in his stomach and couldn't stop worrying. Sometimes if River woke she would take a moment to realise what was going on, and the shivering didn't ease. Ben held her, trying desperately to keep her warm despite the heat in her skin.

"Are you feeling any better?" Ben asked her constantly, "or any worse?"

"I don't know," River murmured her words too wide to be clear. She coughed suddenly and groaned as the impact reverberated down to the bullet wound. Outside, Ben heard voices react. He tensed.

"You okay Kaylee?"

"Yeah Capt."

"Good. I don't want my mother-of-a-mechanic getting sick when she's got two babes to look after."

"Which one's the second?"

"Andrew, o'course."

Ben saw someone shake their head in bewilderment.

"Just so you know, Serenity comes _after _Andrew."

Ben relaxed when it was clear the crew suspected nothing.

"Sorry," River muttered.

"Don't be," Ben comforted her, "when it gets later, I'll head out and find us some food. I'll have a look for some pain killers for you too."

"You'll be careful?" River had closed her eyes again.

"I promise," Ben hugged her.

It wasn't long after that Serenity was still. Ben waited a few minutes more for security before making his move. He gently lifted River's head off his shoulder, calming her briefly when she woke.

"I'll be back," he whispered, "I promise."

"Okay…" River fell back against the wall.

Ben brushed her hair back briefly before lifting the grate. The lights of serenity hadn't dulled with the night, and Ben was grateful for the extra visibility. He went cautiously, sifting through memories trying to find his way. He located the infirmary, and spent a few quiet moments rummaging through the drawers. Ben tucked a few of the supplies under his arm before making his way to the kitchen. It wasn't long before Ben hurried back to their hiding sot, balancing a cowl of protein and a glass of water around the medical supplies.

"You awake?" Ben asked quietly.

"Mmhmm," River sighed. Ben slid over, putting some of the contraband down.

"I brought you some food," he whispered, "you awake enough to eat?"

"Yeah, thanks." River tried to sit herself more upright.

"Good," Ben lifted the bowl over, "Then I've got something for you to take, it should help you feel better. I also thought… maybe we should clean the bullet wound?"

"If you think it'd help," River agreed. Ben smiled.

"Here," he passed her the glass, "leave a bit so you can take the pills."

"And for you," River gave him the sternest look she could manage. Ben shook his head.

"I'm fine." Ben assured her, "I'll get some stuff later."

"Ben…"

"_I'm fine, _River."

She glared at him, but knew he wouldn't be swayed. River reached out for his hand in appreciation. Her hands shook while she tried to drink. Ben watched her concernedly.

River could barely hold the spoon steady while she tried to eat; and ended up letting it clatter back into the bowl before she spilt it. She swore in frustration.

"Sorry," she moaned, her voice pained.

"Its fine," Ben said gently, "here, let me help." He gripped her arm and helped her hold it. River smiled her thanks. Their teamwork brought good results.

Ben peeled back the piece of crusted material that had been covering River's wound for the last three days, gathering packets of gauze and saline to him. River winced slightly but otherwise sat patiently, holding her shirt out of the way. Ben tried his best not to hurt her.

"I think we should let that air for a while," he whispered, gathering up the empty packets and bowl and shoving them over to the side.

"Okay," River leant into him when he came back.

"Is the paracetamol working?"

"I think so."

"Good," Ben whispered into her hair, "I hope you feel better in the morning."

"Thanks, Ben," River patted his hand and grasped it. Ben smiled, letting her lean against him again.

"Love you, River."

"Love you too."


	6. Chapter 6

The day did not bring improvements to River's condition

The day did not bring improvements to River's condition. Her shivering wouldn't be eased by anything, despite both their best efforts, and every time she woke she was confused and disoriented. Ben held her most of the day, trying to calm her when she needed and keep her warm. He couldn't help but marvel at how every part of her seemed to contradict herself. She was so pale, but her cheeks were flushed red. He knew that incredible strength resided in her arms, yet at the moment they were so thin. She shivered despite the heat of her skin, moved persistently though she lacked energy. As time went on her breathing became shallow, and Ben felt helplessness surround him.

When Serenity quietened, Ben made his way out again. He hated to put River down and leave her alone, but at the same time he was desperate to find something that might help her.

"Ben?"

"I'll be back, River," Ben whispered her, "I promise, I'm just going to get some things to help."

"Mkay," River fell back to sleep almost immediately. Ben looked around, spotting a heavy blanket lying on some crates. He grasped it and slid back into their hiding spot, wrapping River up. She shrank into it. Ben smiled sadly.

"I'll be back," He promised again. Replacing the panel, he hurried up to the infirmary.

Mal wandered Serenity, checking everything was in functioning order. He wasn't in a sleeping mood, however knowing that he would regret it if he didn't, Mal hoped that getting a small amount of exercise might help the situation. He traipsed through the kitchen finding it perfectly clean, and smiled lightly to himself. Kaylee had certainly taken to the mothering role. He brushed the doorway as he went through, glancing toward the infirmary and deciding to check on it too. Couldn't hurt with the exercise plan. He strode inside, his mind half on his crew, before he was shocked out of his thoughts. A boy he'd never seen before was inside, pulling open drawers with a desperate expression.

"Hey…" Mal began. He didn't get much further. The boy reeled around and, at the sight of Mal, ran past colliding with Mal as he went. The captain took a moment to gather himself before he turned after the boy.

"Hey kid, come back!"

Ben tore down the stairs, jumping the last few. He could hear the man running behind him, but he didn't care. He just wanted to get back to River; to keep her safe. His mind was reeling; what if they were caught? What if these people called the alliance, what if they got sent back? Ben felt sick at the thought. He dived quickly into the smuggling hole, pulling the panel back in the hope that he wasn't seen. Ben knew it was fruitless. Barely pausing, he took River in his arms again.

"River, I'm so sorry," he whispered, trying not to cry, "I'm so, so sorry…"

"What's wrong?" her already drawn face contorted in fear.

"I was seen," Ben whispered, "I'm so sorry. But don't worry," He kissed her head, "I won't let them hurt you."

"I'm scared," River clutched him, and Ben's heart sank as he realised it was the first time she'd ever said those words.

"It'll be okay," Ben said, and then the panel groaned. Both of them looked around as it was pulled away. Ben heard River whimper slightly as a pair of legs was suddenly silhouetted against the opening.

Mal couldn't see anything save a few slivers of light. He looked behind him, thankfully locating a torch amid his job-gear. Grumbling to himself about plans never going smooth, not even ones that involve sleeping, he flicked it on and aimed it inside.

Mal was completely taken aback with what he saw. The boy was there, glaring venomously at Mal with slightly bared teeth. In his arms, to Mal's great surprise, was a tiny girl looking horribly ill. She was shivering in the boy's arms, despite being wrapped in one of Mal's blankets. From the way she was breathing, Mal could see she was struggling. The smuggler's hold was littered with stolen food and empty packets of gauze for reasons Mal couldn't quite fathom. Mal let out an astounded breath.

"Well now," he said gently, "seems we got ourselves a couple of stowaways." Neither of the kids reacted. Mal tried again.

"Why don't you come on out of there?" he spoke as kindly as possible. The boy's snarl widened at that and the girl shrank away.

"Look, I ain't mad," the captain tried to calm them, "I ain't… gonna throw you off the ship or nuthin'. I just wanna talk."

When this brought no move of compliance, Mal decided it was time to get serious. He squared himself, addressing the boy.

"Okay, see your friend there? She's pretty sick." Mal saw the boy shoot a worried look at the girl.

"So, way I see it, you got two options. You can stay in there, even though I know that's where y'are, until she gets even worse. Or," he paused for a moment, taking a breath, "you can take a chance, come out and see if I can't help you."

The boy looked down, it took Mal a moment to realise he was whispering. The girl shook her head, protesting in the same low voice until the boy comforted her. Mal caught the words.

"I won't let _anyone _hurt you."

The girl glanced at him; Mal held her gaze. She looked back to the boy and nodded.

Mal moved back while the boy slid out, carrying the girl with him. She squinted at the light and hid her head slightly. Mal stared; the blanket had fallen off her to reveal a still bleeding bullet wound. He whistled in awe.

"May I?" Mal asked, gesturing toward her. The two exchanged glances before the boy nodded. Mal bent down, examining it carefully.

"Is the bullet still in there?" he asked.

"Yes," the boy whispered worriedly. Mal frowned. The girl watched him through sunken eyes.

"How long's it been like this?" Mal asked.

"She was shot four days ago," the boy's voice shook, "but it's been getting worse… the last three and a half. I don't know why…"

Mal pressed on the girl's stomach, a wide radius away from the wound. She winced.

"That hurt?" Mal asked for confirmation. She nodded. Mal sighed.

"'Cause it's infected, that's why," he explained, "we gotta get this seen to. Bring her upstairs."

Mal had risen to his feet before he realised the boy was struggling to get up.

"You right there?"

"She can't walk," The boy explained. Mal cursed himself.

"Here, I'll take her." Mal crouched down. The boy hesitated, but agreed. Mal gripped the girl under her knees and around her shoulders, lifting her into a sitting position into his arms. She gripped his shoulders worriedly.

"you're right, Darlin', I got you," he assured her. The boy scrambled to his feet to follow. Mal carried her up the stairs, trying to jolt her as little as possible as he could see the movement nauseating her.

"I'm Mal, by the way," Mal said to the boy. He smiled in acknowledgement.

"You two got names?" Mal pressed. The boy didn't answer. Mal sighed; he'd guessed as much. They continued in silence to the infirmary.


	7. Chapter 7

Ben gripped River's hand as soon as she was free of the man's grasp

Ben gripped River's hand as soon as she was free of the man's grasp. She looked worriedly around the infirmary, not trusting the sterile surroundings. Ben squeezed her hand and grinned in reassurance. She returned it weakly.

"Okay," the man called Mal pulled a light over them, "Let's have a better look at this, eh?" he smiled at River. Ben felt her grip tighten.

"Gee girl, you got one roarin' fever," he whistled. Ben looked over worriedly.

"Is she-" he began, but a noise in the hall made him halt.

"Captain?" a woman had appeared in the doorway. Mal looked around.

"Hey Zoe," he said cheerfully, "not one for sleeping either?"

"Thought I heard noises," Zoe looked over Mal's shoulder at the two stowaways. She lowered her voice. Mal shook his head.

"Nah, they're fine. One of 'em's a bit shot up, so I'm gonna see what I can do."

"Fine, sir," Zoe nodded, "want me to get the doc?"

"Nah, let him sleep. He's not getting much."

"Right," Zoe shot one last look at Ben and river before walking away. Mal turned back to River.

"You're not the doctor?" Ben asked, leaning over River protectively. Mal looked up.

"Nope, I'm the captain. Doc's got himself a newborn, coming up on two months old soon. He can be fussy on certain nights so, I figure let him sleep." Mal caught the boy's uncertain expression.

"Don't worry, he figured this would happen. Been showing me the ropes for months now."

"Okay," Ben nodded. River relaxed slightly. Ben looked down at her and smiled, only to feel her tense again. Looking up, Ben saw Mal approaching her with a needle. He immediately drew her to him.

"What's that?" he growled, aggression dripping in his voice.

Mal paused, slightly shocked.

"It's just some anaesthetic," He said, confused by the reaction. The girl clung to the boy, leaning as much as she could away from the sharp object.

"What's it do?" the boy demanded again.

"It's just gonna put her to sleep," Mal's brow furrowed.

"Why?"

"Well…" Mal was baffled, "Well I'm gonna have to… operate slightly to get the bullet out, and that's gonna hurt. If she's asleep, she don't have to feel it."

"She won't have to feel it?" the boy's expression softened.

"No," Mal was still confused. The boy looked down at the girl; Mal watched the two communicated silently again. The girl nodded.

"Okay…" The boy sighed, "That's okay then." Mal watched them, shaking off his confusion.

"Okay," he affirmed, approaching the bed with the needle in hand. The girl screwed her eyes shut, panic written on her features. She gave the slightest of whimpers and Mal gently moved her head to expose her neck.

"S' alright, darling, just a small prick," he assured her. The girl was crying silently. She gasped and gripped the boy with her other hand when Mal slid the needle into her skin. The boy whispered to her. Mal knew he was trying to be as quiet as possible, but he caught the words nonetheless.

"It's okay, bao bei, you're not there… just hold onto me."

Mal noted the words carefully but didn't comment. Withdrawing the syringe, he watched the boy stroke her hair while her eyelids flickered. Just as he dropped the used needle into the waste her heard he speak clearly for the first time, though her words were slightly slurred by the drugs in her system.

"Will you be here when I wake up?"

Mal smiled to himself, recalling asking that on more than one occasion.

"I promise," The boy smiled.

"Count back from ten for me now, darling?" Mal asked, moving the light again. The girl had barely begun before her eyes shut.

"So," Mal addressed the boy as he started, "she afraid of needles or something?"

"Something like that," the boy offered a small smile. Mal returned it. He concentrated on placing a drip before continuing.

"What's that?" the boy asked. Mal realised he was going to have to put up with these questions the whole time.

"Just a bit of fluid, might help to hydrate her quicker. It'll do the world of good," he assured the boy. He nodded.

"Listen," Mal went on, "If you two are slaves… I can tell you now I ain't gonna turn you in. Never had stomach for slavery myself."

"That's good to know," the boy sighed. Mal glanced at him, but the boy gave no further answer. They stood in silence for a while; the boy looking anxiously over Mal's shoulder. He still held the girl's limp hand in his.

"You should get some sleep," Mal told him, "You look like you're ready to drop."

The boy shook his head. "I'm staying with her," his voice absolutely resolute. Mal nodded.

"At least have a seat," He nodded toward the ledge, "I don't have the skill for two patients in one night."

"Okay," The boy agreed. Mal smiled at him.

"So… if you ain't gonna sleep, how bout you tell my why you're on my ship?" Mal asked casually. The boy was silent.

"I understand you got secrets," Mal sighed, "But I ain't gonna be able to do much, 'less I got no reason to doubt you two." Still the boy did not react. Mal sighed.

"Maybe later then?"

"Maybe," The boy sighed too. The silence reigned again.

"Tyen shaio duh!"

Ben was jerked out of his half-sleep by the exclamation, instantly alert. Mal was frowning. He moved away from River and pulled off his gloves.

"What's wrong?" Ben asked, his voice shaking. He couldn't see anything different. Mal growled.

"This infection's gone deeper than I thought," he strode over to an intercom, "I don't know what to do about it."

Ben slid off the bed, gripping River's hand again as Mal hit the intercom.

"Hey doc," he said.

"What's wrong?" a tired crackly voice came through. Ben heard someone complaining in the background.

"I got a bit of a situation down in the infirmary I could use your help with. It's past my knowledge. I'm really sorry to have to wake you."

"I know, Kaylee- hold on a sec. Alright Mal, I'll be up in a moment."

"Much obliged," Mal killed the transmission. Ben watched him.

"Is she going to be okay?" he couldn't keep the tremble out of his voice.

"Should be right," Mal sighed, "as I said, I just don't know what to do."

"If…" Ben hesitated, "if the doctor's coming up anyway, do you think he'd mind looking at something else?'

"Like what?" Mal glared suspiciously. Gulping, Ben carefully pulled down River's collar to reveal the site of the catheter. Mal swore.

"What in the worlds is that?!" he asked.

"I don't know…" Ben began. Mal sighed.

"Couldn't have told me before?" he asked incredulously, "This is infected too!"

"What's infected?" the same bleary voice that had enquired through the intercom asked. Both Ben and Mal turned.

"Doc, got yourself a patient," Mal moved forward, and with that motion River's face was revealed to the doctor. Ben saw him gasp.

"Oh my god…" he breathed. Mal frowned.

"You okay?" he asked. Ben stared. The doctor gulped.

"Yeah... it's just…" he ran his hands through his hair, "That's… that's River!"

Three things happened very quickly. Mal opened his mouth to ask Simon what he meant; Simon started toward the table, and Ben grabbed a syringe and leapt forward. Both Mal and Simon took a step back as the boy brandished it at the doctor.

"Who are you?" He snarled.


	8. Chapter 8

"What?" the doctor asked, not quite understanding Ben's question. Mal was speaking.

"Kid, will you _put that thing down?"_

"I said who are you!" Ben repeated, ignoring Mal's request. "Are you a fed? An operative?"

"I don't-"

"_How do you know her name?_" Ben cried, his voice raising a few octaves.

"Because I'm her brother!" the doctor shouted back.

Everyone froze for a few seconds. Ben faltered; he lowered the syringe an inch, staring in disbelief at the doctor. He glared resolutely back. Finally, Mal broke the silence.

"You have a _sister?" _

"Mal, this is not the time!" The doctor growled. Ben had recovered himself.

"What's your name?" he demanded, jerking the needle forward.

"Simon Tam," Simon replied automatically. Ben's eyes flicked to river for a moment.

"Where did you work?"

"Capital city on Osiris!" Simon said wearily, "Will you-?"

"Parent's names?"

"Gabriel and Reagan, now can I _please _see my sister!?"

Ben stared, half gaping as though he wanted to say yes. He gave a small choking sob and shook his head.

"No... No you could be…" He looked back at River, "How do I know you're not one of them!?"

"One of who?" Mal asked.

"I've just answered all your questions, haven't I?" Simon said in exasperation.

"If I was one of them, I'd have done my research," Ben snarled.

"Son," Mal murmured gently, "This is paranoid. I don't know what you-"

"Paranoid?!" Ben's voice lost all control now; he was verging on hysteria, "This isn't paranoid! If you knew… If you knew what we've… you would be paranoid too!" He shouted. Simon had been edging around him; Ben spotted his actions and darted to block him.

"Don't touch her!" He yelled. Mal swore.

"Okay… if everyone could just calm down… and Simon, would you please convince this boy you're not going to hurt either of them?" he finished quickly. Ben glared.

"I can't," Simon sighed. Both Mal and Ben gaped at him.

"Why not?" Mal asked incredulously. Simon shrugged.

"Because he obviously isn't going to believe me… and if he's trying to protect River, I'm not going to be mad at that." Simon met Ben's eyes. The boy stared back.

"Well…" Mal was lost, "we still need to get this girl back on her feet, and if you," he gestured to Ben, "Won't let him," He indicated Simon, "Help her, I don't know how we're going to do that!"

"Not until she can vouch for him," The boy said determinedly. Mal sighed.

"Exactly my point. What if you just let Simon help her _until _she can vouch for him?"

"He might hurt her," Ben snarled. Mal dropped his head into his hands for a moment.

"Okay… Simon, maybe if you tell me what to do, then –" Mal was interrupted by a small noise. Simon started as both Ben and Mal leapt to River's side. Mal swore when he saw she was waking up.

"hoe-tze dun pee goo, I should have given her a bigger dose!" he fumed. Ben grabbed her hand.

"Wait!" he said, stopping Mal an inch from her neck. He glanced at Simon.

"Come here," he said slowly. Simon approached warily.

"Why are we waiting? You do realise I've still got the bullet wound open?" Mal was panicking. Ben looked him right in the eye.

"She can handle it," he said with utter seriousness. Mal shut his mouth and nodded. They waited a few painful minutes for River to gain enough consciousness to speak. Her eyes flickered open.

"What..." she croaked blearily

"River," Ben grasped her hand, speaking quietly "you're going to go back to sleep in a moment, but I need you to tell me something important."

"Mmm?" River blinked. Simon's face was pained at the sound of her voice.

"Who's that man?" Ben asked, pointing to Simon. River had difficulty moving her head. She was silent for a few seconds.

"Simon," she whispered. Ben smiled, and nodded at Mal.

"Thankyou," he whispered to River as Mal carefully injected the anaesthetic again. River sighed and went limp again. Ben straightened up, a few tears trailing down his face. He turned back to Simon.

"I'm sorry," He whispered. Simon nodded, releasing a pent up breath.

"It's okay, I understand," he offered the boy a small smile.

"Well, I don't," Mal grumbled. Simon was already springing into action.

"I'll explain later, Mal," he said, examining the open wound. Ben climbed tiredly back onto the ledge.

"Sorry," he said to Mal. The captain grunted.

"So, seeing as we know her name now, you wanna tell me yours?" Mal asked, moving over with him so he would be out of Simon's way. Ben smiled.

"Sure, I'm Ben."

"Nice to meet you," Mal grinned.

"Well, this is all I can do for now," Simon sighed, "she's going to need a pretty intense course of antibiotics, but she should be okay in a few days."

"Good to hear," Mal beamed, "Now, would you two mind filling me in about what's going on here?"

Ben and Simon exchanged glances.

"I guess I'll start," Simon sighed, "I don't really know your story, after all."

Mal listened with a slightly horrified expression as the two revealed the tale; Ben filling in the goings- on at the so-called 'academy' while Simon told about why River, his sister, had been sent there.

"When I tried to tell my parents about the code, they wouldn't listen. I asked some people at the hospital and… my enquiries were heard. I was fired for conspiring, which is when I came out here, looking for work." Simon finished his part.

"We managed to escape four days ago," Ben sighed, "River couldn't have lasted much longer in there, even the doctors were saying it," Ben's words caught; he swallowed. "I heard them talking about a delivery so I figured it was now or never. We made it to seaport and found this ship docked."

"Wow," Mal breathed, "That's… wow."

Ben chuckled slightly as he caught Mal staring at him.

"You can see the scars if you look closely," he sighed, "River has more."

"I was wondering what those things on her head were," Mal muttered to himself. Simon yawned.

"I should really get beck to Kaylee," he said, sighing. Mal nodded.

"I should probably sleep too… and I know you should," He said to Ben, "no excuses, Doc's put her out for a long while, so I wanna hear you snoring soon." Mal smiled.

"An' just so you know," He added, "You two are welcome to stay here. I got a spare room I can give ya, and we'll keep you out of the path of the alliance, so…" Mal trailed off. Ben was staring with his mouth open.

"Really?" he asked.

"'Course," Mal smiled fondly at the boy's surprise. Ben stuttered for a moment.

"Th... Thankyou," He breathed finally. Mal smiled.

"Night, kid." He followed Simon out of the infirmary.

"Hold up a sec, doc," Mal caught Simon before he climbed into his room. Simon stopped.

"What's up?" he asked concernedly.

"How come you never told us you had a sister?" Mal asked him pleasantly. Simon frowned.

"I… never specifically didn't," He offered. Mal nodded.

"Fair point. Then why didn't you tell us 'bout her being locked up as an experiment?"

"Please, Mal," Simon sighed, "Must we go into this?"

"I see no harm in it," Mal kept his voice pleasant.

"I see harm in me not getting sleep," Simon opened the hatch to his and Kaylee's room, "Goodnight, captain."


	9. Chapter 9

Mal let breakfast continue undisrupted for a while before calling the crew to order

Mal let breakfast continue undisrupted for a while before calling the crew to order. He and Simon exchanged a few glances before filling them in on the night's events. Kaylee berated her husband for keeping it from her; Mal smiled.

"Kaylee, leave the doc alone. I told him to wait."

"Didja tell him not to tell me he had a sister?" Kaylee shot back.

"Well, no…"

"See, how could you keep that from…"

Mal cleared his throat. Kaylee stopped but glared at the interruption.

"Anyways," Mal continued, ignoring this, "they're a bit skittish, but as I'm lettin' 'em live here, I'd like 'em to be comfortable. So if you'd all like to make yourselves known to them… not all at once, mind… and just introduce yourselves I think it'd help 'em majorly. Understood?"

"No."

Mal sighed. "What's not simple to you then, Jayne?"

"Just… why are we lettin' em stay?" the Mercenary asked. Kaylee and Inara glared.

"They's been tortured-"

"Because they have no where else to go, Jayne!"

"Simon's family to… River?" Zoe checked she'd gotten the name right. Simon nodded. Jayne grumbled.

"The question of them stayin's not up for debate," Mal said firmly. Zoe, Inara, Kaylee and Wash beamed at him; Simon smiled too. Jayne grumbled.

"Fine, but I ain't takin' care of 'em."

"No one would put them in your care anyway," Inara hissed. The table erupted with laughter. Mal grinned.

"Doc," he called over the noise, "I'm gonna check on our patient, you wanna come?"

"No, thanks Mal," Simon didn't meet his eye, "I've got to go change Andrew."

"Right," Mal kept his grin in place until he left the room.

River's eyelids felt heavier than they should have been, and this did not help her with the disconcerting cloud around her head that she was slightly used to. She sighed, waiting patiently for the haze to lift. Getting agitated would not improve matters and she knew this well. She focused on her breathing again, finally feeling some clarity come back to her. She opened her eyes; recoiling for a moment from the intensity of light that met her pupil until they adjusted. Testing the movement of her mouth, she contemplated how to call for Ben without revealing his name.

"Hello?" she decided that was generic enough.

"Morning, River," Ben came into her view. River reached for his hand immediately.

"Hey," she said, "careful."

"What's wrong?" Ben was immediately worried.

"Nothing, you just used my name," she whispered, still trying to regain full use of her vocal chords. Ben grinned.

"Don't you remember what happened when you woke up before?" He asked. River frowned.

"Before?"

"Should I take that as a no?"

River was silent, for a moment, then her eyes snapped open again.

"Simon was here," she whispered, looking shocked. Ben smiled.

"Yeah, he was."

"What happened?" River asked. Ben's smile widened.

"Well, they know our names," He stated, "So we don't have to worry about that. Your brother fixed the bullet wound, and he took that thing out of you. He and I explained it all to the captain."

"Really?"

"Well, not the minute details," Ben rolled his eyes, "you know what I meant." River gave him an innocent smile.

"Anyway," Ben continued, "The captain's going to let us stay here. He said he'd keep us away from the alliance, away from _them_… River, we're safe!"

River's light smile had vanished; the breezy humour she's utilized we replaced with absolute seriousness. Ben watched her react to his words, beaming widely.

"We're safe?" her whisper broke. Ben squeezed her hand.

"Yes," Ben whispered, kissing her forehead. River reached up, locking her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. Ben felt her crying on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he half laughed.

"Yes," River took a shuddering breath in, releasing Ben and straightening up to wipe her eyes, "I'm just… happy!" She smiled at him through red eyes. Ben pushed her gently back.

"Take it easy," he smiled, "I don't know if you're meant to be moving yet."

"It did kind of hurt," River gave a weak laugh, "ow, laughing hurts too!"

"It's a nice sound anyway," Ben promised, causing her to laugh again and glare at him.

"You roughing up my patient?" Both Ben and River looked around as Mal entered the room. River watched him, gripping Ben's hand tighter. He smiled slightly.

"Not much," Ben said defensively. Mal grinned.

"Suppose that's acceptable," he said, coming over to the side of the bed and looking at River.

"So, we ain't been properly introduced. You're…"

"River," she smiled; half laughing again.

"Nice to meet you, River," Mal gave her a huge smile, "I'm Mal, if you didn't recall."

"I remember," River smiled, "Thankyou."

"ain't me that fixed you, darlin', was your brother."

"I meant… thankyou letting us stay," River whispered. Mal couldn't keep a small amount of sadness out of his smile.

"No trouble at all," Mal felt his chest tighten when he remembered the things Simon and Ben had told him. He quickly changed the subject.

"You'll be right to move in a minute; just gotta let this last dose of antibiotics flush through then I'll disconnect you and we'll see how you go."

"This early?" Ben was half cautious, half excited. Mal smiled.

"Sooner she starts moving again, the better," Mal watched the progress of the drip, "Ah, I'll just do it now. We'll get that last bit through when I prime your drip anyway." The two kids exchanged excited glances. River watched Mal carefully cap off her drip after slowly sending a syringe full of fluid through it.

"I'm not going to take this out," Mal caught her scrutiny, "if it's okay, that is. You're still going to get dosed about three times a day for a while, I figure it'll save you having them needles if we keep this port open."

"Thanks," River said again. Mal smiled, carefully bandaging the drip so it couldn't be pulled.

"Alrighty," Mal wheeled the tray out of the way, "let's get you up and moving! Ben, would you mind comin' round here and getting that side for me?" Ben hurried to obey. Between the two of them they supported River into a sitting position.

"Okay, on three, we're going to slide you off," Mal told her. River nodded.

"you right?" he asked. River shook her head.

"Catch your breath; there's no hurry," Mal assured her. She nodded. After a pause, she smiled.

"Ready," River breathed.

"Great," Mal caught Ben's eye, "one… two... three!"

In a fluid movement they slid River forward; catching her gently without jolting her wound. River gripped them tightly; colour leaving her face as she swayed. Ben watched her concernedly.

"Don't to anything 'til you feel right," Mal cautioned her. River opened her eyes briefly before shutting them again with a sigh.

"The world's spinning," she whispered. Mal nodded.

"It'll pass."

Finally River opened her eyes; loosening her grip on both of them. Mal carefully stepped out from her, looking her over.

"Feeling okay?"

"Yes," River breathed.

"Ben, let go of her," Mal said with some amusement. The boy looked sheepish.

"I'm fine," River assured him.

"You say that _way _too much," Ben grinned. River laughed, stopping immediately again.

"Don't _do that!" _she rebuked playfully.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it."

"I know." River took a deep breath and pushed herself away from the bed, taking a few uneven steps toward him. She reached for his hands; taking them gratefully when she neared him. Ben pulled her into a hug.

"I'm so glad you're okay," he grasped her tightly. River embraced him; closing her eyes and leaning against his shoulders.

"I love you," she whispered. Ben smiled.

"I love you too," he whispered into her hair. Mal cleared his throat in the background and the two broke apart.

"Well, looks like you're right to keep moving. I want you to take it easy for a couple of days; no heavy liftin' or anything like that. You're both gonna have to eat up, you're looking mighty skinny and I want to see that remedied in the next few days. In the meantime, please make yourself at home. I'll show you two your room soon, and then take you up to the kitchen to get fed. I'll track you down a few times a day, River, make sure you're healing well and giving you your antibiotics. Sound good?"

"Sounds fantastic," Ben smiled.

"Thankyou," River said again, hugging Mal. He patted her shoulder.

"You're very welcome," he said affectionately. Mal led the two out of the room; River still leant on Ben slightly. He showed them their room and around the ship; noticing slightly sadly the way River's eyes lit up hopefully around every corner until it was clear Simon wasn't in the room. Ben must have noticed this too; he gave her shoulder a squeeze every now and then. Mal felt his heart break for the two kids with him; and hoped deeply that they would find happiness with him and the crew on Serenity.


	10. Chapter 10

Ben and River slept peacefully in the room Mal had set for them

Ben and River slept peacefully in the room Mal had set for them. They ignored the makeshift bed that had been set up opposite the normal one; preferring to curl up together. Ben woke first; not moving and lying contentedly with River while she slept. He didn't want to wake her; knowing that she probably needed all the rest she could get to help her heal. It wasn't long before she stirred though, and Ben smiled when she reached for him.

"Good morning, dopey," Ben grinned. River rolled over and hugged him.

"Very original," she yawned, blinking.

"You don't have to get up if you don't want," Ben whispered, offering her a guilt free opening. River's stomach was the one who answered.

"I don't think I get a choice," she grinned. Ben laughed; climbing over her so he could help her up. River gripped his arms.

"Thankyou," She smiled.

"Anytime," Ben looked around the room, contemplating their exit paths, "do you want help walking?"

"If you don't mind," River said, slightly embarrassed.

"Of course not." Ben took River's arm over his shoulder and she slid the door open with her free one. Together they made their way slowly up the stairs.

The kitchen wasn't empty when they entered; Ben and River shot nervous smiles to the two other presences in the room. Ben left River in a chair; heading to the cupboards. River wasn't sure what she should be doing; she was acutely aware of the two other people watching her. She smiled at them again before shifting her gaze to the floor. Thankfully, one broke the silence.

"Are you two our new members?"

"I… think so," River smiled. Ben looked over.

"Hi," he greeted them. The man waved.

"I'm Wash," He said, leaning over and offering his hand to River. She took it warmly.

"I'm River, that's Ben," She smiled.

"This is my wife Zoe," Wash jerked his thumb at the dark woman beside him. She gave a small smile of acknowledgement.

"Hello," River felt very small.

"You're the doc's little sister?" Zoe asked her.

"Simon?" Ben looked up at the small amount of excitement in River's voice. Zoe nodded.

"Yeah," River smiled. Ben came over, placing some food before River and sitting next to her. Their hands joined under the table as River picked up her spoon.

"How long has he been here?" she asked.

"Little over a year, I think," Zoe rose, "I'm going to check with Mal 'bout our plans, you taking the helm?"

"Be there soon, honey," Wash kissed her. Zoe smiled and waled out of the room. River was staring at a non specific spot on the table; thinking hard. Had it really been that long since the letters had stopped? River knew it was getting to be a long time, but she would have put it at six months. But a _year?_ She couldn't believe she'd lost track of time so drastically. She realised that this would have been the reason; Simon must not have passed a station in a while; or maybe not at all. River had included this possibility in her theories among many other things. Half of that time she assumed it was because she'd been banned from writing, and Simon had had nothing to reply to.

"Sorry?" River's eyes snapped up when she realised Wash had been talking to her.

"I just said to let me know if you need anything," Wash smiled. River gave one back.

"Thankyou," she said, trying not to let her distraction show. Ben slid into the seat beside her; out of instinct River took his hand.

"Any time," Wash smiled and tramped up the stairs. River sighed.

"Everything okay?" Ben asked her. River smiled reassuringly.

"I'm just thinking," she said quietly. Ben nodded.

"Think about eating," he said playfully. River grinned and ate with pointed gestures. Ben laughed.

Mal wandered into the kitchen, finding his quarry sitting at the table speaking in low voices. He smiled; dumping the pile of clothes on the table loudly to gain their attention. They both jumped slightly at the noise and Mal felt immediately guilty.

"Sorry," he said, "didn't mean to sneak."

"It's fine," River smiled shakily. Ben was still looking slightly shell-shocked.

"I appealed to the crew, thought I'd see if I could find you two something proper to wear," Mal smiled, gesturing to the mess of fabrics. He saw the girl glance down at herself then at Ben; clearly only just realising they hadn't changed. She looked slightly crestfallen.

"Thankyou," Ben answered this time.

"No troubles," Mal smiled, "I'm glad to find you up River; you're due for some meds. Would you mind accompanying me to the infirmary?"

"No," River rose stiffly; Ben jumped up to help her. Mal helped as best he could, although there was not much point in crowding the poor girl and making it difficult for her. Mal settled for giving encouragement.

"Only a few more steps to go," He called. River was still walking slightly stooped to avoid tightening torn muscles. Mal walked just in front of her in case she overbalanced on the stairs. They finally completes their short venture, Mal helped the tired young girl onto the centre bed.

"Let's have a look, shall we?" Mal smiled, pulling the dressings down a little.

"Is Simon busy?" River asked. Mal looked up.

"Well, I ain't seen him since this morn, so I'm assuming so," He gave River a reassuring smile. She nodded; but Mal could see the disappointment written on her features.

"It's all looking okay," Mal replaced the dressings and carefully loaded a needle, "how are you feeling?"

"Still a little off, but much better." She sighed. Mal gently unwrapped the bandage around her wrist.

"Let me know if you start feeling any worse," He said through his concentration, "I'm just going to send a quick flush through." River winced slightly when Mal pushed the fluid through the drip.

"Sorry; it can get a tiny bit blocked," Mal sighed. River nodded, biting her lip and keeping her eyes tightly shut. She reached out for Ben's hand.

"Last one," Mal assured. Ben smiled a silent thanks; Mal returned it sadly.

"All done," Mal snapped back to cheerful; capping off the drip and carefully wrapping it again. River released a breath.

"I'll come find you again in a couple of hours," Mal told her.

"Thanks," River sighed.

"If you get changed, just put your things into the basket in the corner of the kitchen and someone'll wash 'em."

"Um… can we maybe not have them back?" Ben asked. River nodded her agreement.

"You don't want 'em back?" Mal asked.

"We really don't," Ben said venomously.

"They're your clothes, though," Mal was bewildered.

"They're our uniforms," River nearly whispered.

"It's just," Ben hesitated, "they make us… theirs. And…"

"And you don't want to be," Mal nodded, "I get it. Well, get yourselves changed, give 'em to me and I'll chuck them somewhere."

Ben beamed. "Thanks."

"Not a problem. I'll see you two in a few hours." Mal smiled and left the room.

"I might go back to bed," River sighed, "is that okay?"

"No," Ben teased, "you have to stay here until you drop." He pulled her into a hug that she leant happily into. "Why wouldn't it be okay?"

River smiled in embarrassment. "I was just making sure."

"You can do what you want," Ben leant back so he could see her. She was looking down.

"Hey," Ben pushed some of her hair away to gain her eye contact, "you don't have to ask permission for things, you don't have to be scared, or do anything you don't want to. We're free, okay? Don't be afraid."

River took a shuddering breath in. "I guess it just takes some getting used to."

"I know," Ben sighed, "It's going to take a while."

"Yeah,' River sighed, "well," she squared her shoulders and raised her chin, "I'm _going _to bed, and nothing you can say will stop me." She grinned. Ben laughed.

"I wouldn't dream of it."


	11. Chapter 11

Mal knocked hard on Simon and Kaylee's door, trying to make himself heard

Mal knocked hard on Simon and Kaylee's door, trying to make himself heard. A muffled call floated up and Mal kicked the door inward.

"Doc, ain't seen you around." Mal greeted cheerfully. Andrew was lying on a mat, happily batting small beads that Simon was holding above him.

"No," Simon glanced up briefly before returning his gaze to his son, "Andrew won't settle, so I'm just, you know, keeping him busy."

"'m sure you'll find no shortage of volunteers to help with that if you wanted a break," Mal said pleasantly, "in fact, I'm offering. I figured you might be anxious to see your sister."

"I heard River was asleep," Simon said casually, not looking away from Andrew.

"Was not a moment ago," Mal smiled, "but she's up and about now an' asking after you. So how about I take this one off your hands for a while?"

"I don't…"

"C'mon doc, it can't hurt."

"But he's so happy at the moment," Simon smiled warmly at Andrew's excessively waving hands.

"I'll take good care of him," Mal sat down, taking the beads from Simon before he could protest, "go on, go see your sister."

"I…" Simon sighed, "Thanks Mal… I'll come back soon, I promise."

"No hurry," Mal looked up as Simon exited the room, noting the reluctance. He sighed, speaking his thoughts softly to Andrew.

"What's your Daddy scared of, huh? Has he told you?"

Andrew happily showed Mal how well he could use his vocal chords.

Simon went as slowly as he could, taking an excessively large amount of time to lift his feet up the stairs. He was planning to lose time crossing the kitchen too; maybe he'd get some water, find some food for Mal to feed Andrew… Simon was half planning how to avoid this, half planning what he'd say if he couldn't. He had no idea of what to do. Dread kept welling up in him; he knew that there would be one thing River would ask him. _Why?_ Simon honestly didn't know how to answer that. He didn't know if he could without… Simon shook his head. He sighed as his feet found the even floor of the kitchen.

He was surprised to see Ben sitting there.

"Hi," Simon said. The boy looked up.

"Hi! Are you looking for River?" The boy asked enthusiastically.

"I… yeah, do you know where she is?"

"She's just gone back to bed," Ben said.

"Oh, well then I won't bother her," Simon felt relief flood through him.

"Are you sure? She really wouldn't mind, she's been wanting to see you. If you go down…"

"No, it's fine, thanks," Simon smiled, "I'll let her rest."

"Right…" Ben sighed, "Well, will you come back? I guess you're really busy, but she'll be really upset she missed you."

"I'll see how I go," Simon said. Ben beamed.

"Listen… I'm really sorry about yelling at you," The boy said, losing his vibrancy a bit. "I was scared, and I acted way too fast."

"It's fine," Simon smiled, "you're completely forgiven. Really I should be… thanking you. You got River out."

"Not soon enough," Ben sighed, "but yeah, we're out. That's what counts." He smiled slightly again.

"I've been meaning to ask you about that," Simon said, glancing up at Ben, "you said something like… uh, River couldn't have handled much more? Something along those lines?"

Ben paled a little. "Yeah… I said that."

"What did you mean?" Simon pushed. Ben sighed.

"I meant… " Ben hesitated, "How much of that question do you want answered?" he gave a weak laugh.

"Am I going to regret it if I say all?" Simon asked with equal humour. Ben gave another slightly apprehensive laugh.

"Probably," He sighed.

"I'd like to hear it anyway," Simon said quietly. Ben nodded.

"I figured." Ben paused. Sim watched the boy, letting him take his time.

"It's just…" Ben sighed, "I don't want you to think that I'm saying River's weak or anything. I mean she was always, _always _so strong. In herself, this is. She… was terrified; I know she was. She went through more than any of us. But she never let it show, no matter how much it hurt. River was still happy. She'd find something that would make her smile or to hold onto. She kept saying that we'd make it through, that we'd be okay…" Ben exhaled sharply and let his head drop into his hands a little; still free enough for Simon to hear him.

"A few months after she got there… it was like her body just gave out. She coded one time when they took her… didn't wake up for weeks and then… she kept getting weaker. I don't know what happened, because she was still happy, and herself… she just couldn't take the abuse. Do you know what I mean?"

Ben swallowed.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Simon sighed. His head was grinding; the guilt increasing tenfold "she couldn't handle it." Ben nodded.

"I don't like to think about it," he sighed, "She's okay now, we're out. I'm trying to remember to focus on that."

"Good idea," Simon sighed. "Thankyou for telling me… I'm guessing it would have been hard."

"its fine," Ben smiled, "you're her brother, I'd want to know too."

"I'd better get back," Simon said hesitantly, but Ben seemed to find this reasonable.

"I'll speak to you later then," he said, "Will you try and come back? River will be mad she missed you."

"I'll see," Simon said again. Ben nodded.

Simon carefully walked out of the kitchen, tyring not to look back. His face was pale and his head still pounded with the words. He was feeling quite sick; and wished not for the first time in the last two days that his sister had never come onto Serenity.


	12. Chapter 12

The glare of lights and splotches denoting the failure of her eyes competed for River's vision

_The glare of lights and splotches denoting the failure of her eyes competed for River's vision. Silhouetted shapes joined these; dull voices that were overtaken by her own hummed in her ears .Occasionally she would see something pass between the shadows, closely followed by a fresh wave of agony._

"_River, wake up."_

_River ignored the request. She was already awake, as they well knew, and would have screamed it at them was her throat less occupied. They were taunting her; the only other reason that prevented her from responding. _

"River, honey, you need to wake up."

_Mentally she yelled at them to shut up. She would not submit._

"River, come on. Wake up…"

River jerked upright as something touched her skin, a scream following her into wakefulness. It cut off almost at once as she took in her surroundings, ice draining from her veins as she realised where she was. River sat staring at the wall; a part of her still trapped in the nightmare. 

"River?"

The voice was ignored; River heard it but it barely registered further. She was having a lot of trouble fathoming exactly where she was.

"Is she alright?"

"I'm not sure… River?"

Something brushed against her skin again; River started and her head jerked around while her arm retracted immediately from the contact. She stared into the room; eyes not quite focusing on anything. She was barely aware of a man and a woman beside her, both looking concerned.

"Should I get her brother?" The man asked. The woman glances quickly at him before returning her attention to River.

"Simon asked not to be disturbed," she said hesitantly. The man nodded, his deep voice reverberating around the room.

"I'll find her friend then… what was his name?"

"Ben," River whispered at the same time as the woman answered. Both of the others turned to River.

"Are you okay honey?" The woman asked as the man ducked out of the room. River swallowed; forcing her eyes to move onto the woman.

"I don't know," she said quietly, "My throat hurts."

"Can I get you anything?"

River shook her head, leaning forward and gripping her knees. She was feeling slightly ill. Everything had seemed so _real_. The woman watched her concernedly, seeming to be unsure of what to do. River tried to smile at her in thanks but her lips couldn't quite do it.

"Were you dreaming?" the women asked cautiously.

"Nightmare," River nodded.

"That's some nightmare."

The man had returned; and River barely got a chance to look up before Ben engulfed her.

"What can I do?" He asked. River didn't answer, she just returned his embrace and absorbed his presence; allowing herself to be comforted. After a few moments River straightened up, still holding onto him but smiling to show that she was alright. Bed squeezed her shoulder and turned to the others.

"Thanks for finding me," he said. River smiled to show her approval of this statement. She didn't want to speak too much and grind at her aching vocal chords.

"Not a problem," The man smiled.

"She seemed a little shaken, we thought it might help," the woman added. Ben smiled.

"Well, if we're all okay, I might be off," the man smiled, "I'm Book; I was hoping to come down and introduce myself."

"I'm Inara," The woman said gracefully as he left, "I was coming to find you for Mal when I heard her screaming." Ben and River exchanged glances; Ben hugging River's shoulder again.

"Mal would like you back in the infirmary, River," Inara continued, tastefully ignoring the unease in the room, "If you're feeling up to it, we should go now." She gave a short laugh, "Mal can become touchy if he's left waiting too long."

"Are you okay?" Ben asked. River nodded and grimaced.

"What's wrong?" Ben asked worriedly. River shook her head.

"Shouldn't have sat up so fast," she gave a muttered whisper and gripped her abdomen, "my stomach's throbbing."

"We'll ask Mal to look at it and make sure everything's okay," Ben assured her. River nodded, leaning heavily on him to stand. She was still attempting to shake of the rush of images that has seemed so real to her. Ben kept a protective arm around her, and River was slowly drawn out of her nervous shell by his constant glances and reassuring smiles. She was pulling him down trying not to strain her wound more.

The infirmary came into view; the small group made their way in and was greeted by a pacing Mal.

"What's taken you so long?" he blurted at Inara. The companion shook her head slightly, glancing at River. Ben was helping her climb onto the bed.

"It's my fault," River said hoarsely.

"It is _not _your fault," Ben growled. Mal glanced from them to Inara.

"Someone want to fill me in?" he asked, spreading his arms to encourage them. Inara glared.

"River had a nightmare," Ben didn't look away from his friend. River bit her lip and gripped his hand.

"And this makes you late because?" Mal asked.

"We couldn't wake her up." Inara provided huffily. Mal nodded.

"I'm sorry to hear that, River," He said, moving over to examine her hand. Inara's eyes burned into his back before she turned angrily out of the room.

"Its fine," River whispered.

"Can you check her stitches? She accidently pulled them," Ben said from the sidelines. Mal nodded, speaking through a vial he held in his teeth.

"I'll check on it in a minute," He reached up and pulled the light into a more suitable position, "short sting," he warned. River nodded.

"I might have to replace that soon," Mal said when River's hand was safely wrapped again, "Drips tend to close up if they ain't got something keeping them going. We'll see how it holds up though. I reckon you'll only need two or three more days of intravenous med, then we'll switch you." Mal grinned at her.

"Let's see if we can't keep it open for that long, hey?"

"Sounds good," River smiled.

"Let's look at that stomach of yours," Mal sighed. Ben squeezed River's hand anxiously.

"Nothing drastic here," Mal informed them after a quick glance, "you'll just be more sore for a while. I'll ask you to be more careful if you can, just while you're healing."

"I promise," River grinned.

"So no challenging you to fistfights?" Ben asked playfully, and River attempted to swat the back of his head. He ducked just short enough to let her rustle his hair.

"Definitely not," Mal grinned, "anything else you want checked out? Or anything you want to ask?"

"Is Simon busy?" River piped up immediately. Mal kept his smile in place.

"I don't know darlin', but I think it's be good for you to go to sleep soon. You can find him in the morning." River nodded, looking slightly dejected.

"I spoke to him today," Ben told her, and River's hope returned.

"You did? What did he say? Did you tell him to come see me?" she asked, overexcited.

"I did," Ben kissed the top of her head. She smiled at him, calming down slightly.

"He didn't want to wake you, and he said he'd try and come down and see you when he got a chance. I got the impression he might be too busy tonight."

River sighed. "Oh well, there's plenty of time… right?" she looked slightly nervous, seeking reassurance again.

"Of course there is," Ben smiled. River leant into his shoulder.

"To bed?" Ben asked. River nodded.

"To bed," she affirmed. Mal smiled at the pair.

"Thanks Mal," River said as they went passed. Ben nodded his agreement.

"Anytime," Mal smiled, "sleep well; I don't want to hear of any more nightmares from you, Miss Tam." River grinned slightly.

When their footsteps were merely echoes, Mal turned back into the empty infirmary. He sighed, gathering up the pale blue sheet and plastic remains before dumping them. Mal glanced sideways, watching carefully as Simon emerged, looking warily around the room before ducking up to the kitchen. It wasn't long before the doctor returned with a bowl of food; scanning his surroundings nervously. He disappeared from Mal's vision again. Mal frowned. Until now, he'd never thought of the doctor of anything other than a good man. Lately however, Simon had been behaving in a manner quite unlike him. Mal sighed, exiting the infirmary and flicking the lights as he went. Something wasn't right.


	13. Chapter 13

River woke alone; the distinctive lack of weight in the bed telling her so even before she opened her eyes

River woke alone; the distinctive lack of weight in the bed telling her so even before she opened her eyes. Briefly searching the room for signs that everything was alright, she spotted the folded piece of paper sitting on the dresser. River braced her stomach as she sat up, heeding Mal's word and taking things carefully. The paper had been rested against the clock, making it stand up and giving River easier access.

_Hey River,_

_Just going for a shower; wanted to let you sleep. Everything's okay._

_I love you._

_Ben._

River smiled, laughing to herself. He always knew exactly what to say. River slid gingerly out of bed, gripping the dresser for support. The pile of clothes Mal had given them the previous day was sitting in a pile on the still unused pull out bed in the corner. River slowly rifled through them, picking some loose overalls and a shirt. Dressing herself was made difficult with the ache in her stomach, but eventually River managed. Still moving stiffly, she made her way out of the room.

River hugged the walls as she explored the ship, taking note of the cool, comforting walls. The ship appeared to have so much deep-seated personality; River smiled with it. She had a fairly hard time tackling the stairs on her own, but soon she had pulled herself into the kitchen. The open space proved a challenge as well for her current mobility. River gripped the bench top, steadying herself for a moment before looking around. Thankfully she found the cupboards to be within her reach. River pulled one open, spotting a pile of plastic glasses. River reached up, her hand falling just short of the nearest cup. She sighed, biting her lip and gripping her stomach while she tried again. Once again the cups seemed elusive. River frowned with frustration, going through an assortment of methods to make herself taller.

"need a hand there?"

River didn't recognise the voice, but her previous experiences with people on Serenity had given her enough confidence not to be afraid. She turned, spotting a woman in basically the same clothes as her with a cheery smile. Grease covered the woman's face and she balanced a small child on her hip. The boy's bright eyes stared with interest at River.

"I'd love one," she smiled, tired for the exertion. The woman had already moved toward her.

"'mazing how much effort can go into getting water sometimes," she smiled. River nodded.

"so, you're River? Simon's sister?"

"That's me," River smiled.

"I'm Kaylee," Kaylee held out a hand; River took it, "It's sure nice to meet you."

"Thanks, you too." River smiled, following Kaylee over to a table in the centre of the room. Kaylee carefully placed the boy she carried on a mat on the floor before sitting down. River swallowed a mouthful of water.

"so," Kaylee asked hesitantly, "how you doing?"

"Fine," River smiled, "I'm healing okay, and Mal said I might be off the intravenous antibiotics soon."

"That's good," Kaylee smiled, not bothering to point out that wasn't exactly what she'd meant.

"and… she hesitated again, "Simon an' Mal told us all… 'bout you two being locked away. How you going with all that?"

River sighed, "Well. I think, anyway," she grinned, "It helps that everyone here's been so accommodating and supporting."

"I'm glad," Kaylee grinned back, "and I'm sorry I ain't been to introduce myself before now; I've been a bit busy."

"That's fine," River sighed, grinning at the child below "Looks like you might have had you arms full."

"Still," Kaylee said brightly, "should be able to make time to come meet my sister in law."

River coughed on a gulp of water. "what?" her mind was reeling; trying to comprehend the statement.

"are you… you and Simon married?!"

"Yep," Kaylee beamed; then noticing River's surprise, frowned. "didn't ya know?"

"No," River said, still shocked. Kaylee's frown deepened.

"Ain't Simon talked to ya yet?"

River shook her head, dropping her gaze to the table. Her brother was _married, _and she didn't even know about it. What else had she missed while being locked away? Then another creeping question gnawed at River. Why hadn't Simon told her? River dismissed it immediately; he'd been busy. That was all.

"well, don't get why!" Kaylee got slightly huffy, "he's been mopin' for over a day now, and I can't figure it out." She sighed, then grinned. "tell you what. Next time I see him I'll tell ya where he is, an' you can corner him! Might cheer him up to talk to his little sis."

"Thanks," River forced a smile, thinking she'd rather not have to corner her brother in order to talk to him. Kaylee smiled back and turned her attention to the child on the floor. With a jolt River realised that might in fact be her nephew. She blinked. Kaylee's words, rather than comforting River, had made her worry. Surely Simon would have made an effort to let her know he'd had a son. Now that she thought about it deeper, he would have told her when he married too. Both were big moments in a person's life. So why hadn't he told her? The ship must stop once in a while, and it wouldn't take that long to send her a letter. All River's excitement at finding a home, and Simon as well were suddenly becoming marred by her worry. Until now all she'd seen when she thought of her brother was the fact that she was free to see him again. Now a darkness overshadowed this and unease settled in her stomach.

"so what are you going to do the rest of the day?"

River was half glad to be jolted out of her thoughts. She immediately chastised herself, knowing it was no help to dwell on such things.

"I'm not sure," she said, focusing back on Kaylee, "I can't do too much at the moment really."

"Yeah, I saw that," Kaylee laughed, and River joined in with a superficial giggle of her own that wouldn't strain her stomach.

"I like your outfit, by the way," Kaylee grinned.

"yeah, I heard it's all the fashion," River scanned Kaylee's attire, "Thanks, I really appreciate it."

"ain't no trouble. I had a few spares in the back of my wardrobe."

"so who's this?" River asked, nodding at the happily gurgling infant on the floor. Kaylee's face seemed to take on a whole new shine each time she looked at the child.

"That's Andrew," Kaylee bent down and lifted the boy into her lap again, cooing softly. "c'mon Andrew, come meet your aunty River."

River's heart both leapt and sank at the same time.

Kaylee carried the boy over, pulling out a chair closer to River and sitting down. She rested Andrew to that River could clearly see the boy's face. There was no doubt now she saw those eyes up close that they were the same as Simons.

"He likes you," Kaylee observed. River smiled.

"He's beautiful," she complimented. Kaylee beamed.

"do you wanna hold him?" she asked. River hesitated.

"I don't know if I could," she said nervously. Kaylee chuckled.

"you'll be fine- here," she grasped River's wrist and positioned it to her satisfaction, "sit back a bit so you ain't straining yerself, an' when you get him, just put your other arm around so he don't roll off."

"are you sure?" River asked. Kaylee rolled her eyes, and instead of answering gently tipped the boy into River's arms.

There was a terrible moment where River felt her stomach drop to her feet as about five of the worst scenarios flashed through her head at once and she was almost convinced she has done something wrong, but then her other arm instinctively tightened around the child in her arms. Realising he was safe, River allowed herself to relax and stare at the tiny soul. The boy's eyes were bright and he opened his pink mouth widely and vocalized his amusement. River felt slightly awed. Andrew seemed so happy and spirited, with nothing to worry him yet. River silently wished that he would have that forever. Kaylee's chuckle made her look up.

"you're as bad as you're brother," she laughed, "he was nervous too, all stuttering an' such. Shut right up the moment I put Andrew in his arms... got that exact same look." River realised she was gaping.

"I…" she smiled, "thankyou Kaylee. He seems really happy."

"He's pretty good most of the day," Kaylee agreed, "except when Jayne's around, then he gets cranky. He don't sleep well though."

"Who's Jayne? I don't think I've met her." River was surprised when Kaylee burst into laugher.

"oh, you will!" she smiled.

"okay…" River attempted to smile too.

"what have I missed?"

Ben emerged tousle-haired from the stairwell, grinning widely. River beamed back; immobilized by both her wound and the baby on her lap. Ben came over, hugging her shoulders around the chair. Kaylee grinned at them.

"who's this?" Ben asked, smiling at Andrew.

"Andrew," Kaylee answered.

"He's my nephew," River said, knowing Ben would catch the tension in her words.

"wow," Ben said, not daring to say much more before he knew what was bothering River. "how are you feeling this morning?"

"I'm good," River said.

"I'm glad," Ben smiled.

"I'd better go," Kaylee said, "I was on my way to let this one sleep again." River made to pass her Andrew, But Kaylee held up her hand.

"Don't worry, I'll get him. Don't strain yourself."

"Mal did say no heavy lifting," Ben said.

"Right," River agreed, trying to give Kaylee easier access to her son.

"I'll see you later River," she smiled, "were really nice to get to know you."

"you too," River smiled. Kaylee exited, chattering softly to Andrew as she went. River swivelled in her chair, half hugging him and half pulling herself up. Ben pulled her straight and embraced her.

"What's wrong?" he asked. River pulled back, sighing.

"I don't know. Probably nothing." She sighed, thinking of how she would answer.

"Did you know Simon was married?" River asked in a whisper, "Did you know he had a son?"

"I...," Ben paused, "yeah, I did."

"Did he tell you?" River asked, shocked and hurt.

"No," Ben said quickly, "Mal did. You know, when he first found us."

"he did?" River felt slightly relieved.

"Remember, he said something about a doctor having a newborn? I guess it follows that he'd be married."

"you're right.." River remembered vaguely the situation Ben was refering to. She laughed, in spite of her current misgivings. "I should have figured that out. We're supposed to be geniuses, after all. Isn't that why they took us?"

Noting the slightly hysterical undertone in River's words, Ben pulled her too him again.

"You had other things on your mind," he soothed her, "no one would blame you for missing it. Don't worry, River. Please don't worry."

River sighed, leaning against Ben and trying to calm down.

"why wouldn't he have told me?" she asked, not really expecting an answer. Ben would have given her some possibilities, but he knew that if every they found out the answer, she would be even more hurt if she had begun to believe them.

"I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you," Ben offered instead. River nodded, still hugging him.

"why don't we go look around?" Ben asked softly, wanting to give her something else to focus on. River recognised it. She straightened up, nodding and wiping one stray droplet of water off her face. Ben smiled, taking her hand.

"I love you. I always will."

River laughed, not caring that this time it hurt the torn muscles in her stomach. "at least that's one thing I can be sure of," She smiled.


	14. Chapter 14

"Hey little Kaylee

"Hey little Kaylee."

Mal smiled at his mechanic, bounding up the stairs. He slowed when he passed her.

"Morning Captain," Kaylee smiled back.

"How's everything running?" Mal asked her.

"Everything's just Shiny," Kaylee bounced Andrew a little higher up her hip, "you ain't seen Simon, have ya?"

"Not today," Mal sighed, "Have you seen Ben an' River? River's due for her meds."

"They was in the kitchen just before," Kaylee attempted to point, "You giving the medication now?"

"While Simon's busy."

"He should be busy doin' that," Kaylee frowned, "He ain't been doing much lately. I know you said you'd pick up the slack, but he should still be doing it while he can."

"Well," Mal sighed, "when you find him, tell him that."

"Oh I will," Kaylee said, half to herself, "d'ya know he ain't even spoke to his sister yet?"

"I had an inkling," Mal sighed. Kaylee bit her lip.

"I'm worried bout him. He ain't been himself lately."

"A point I've noticed," Mal said gently, "I'm sure he's… just a little thrown by recent events."

"I'm gonna find him," Kaylee said determinedly, "don't you give River her meds; I'll make him do it."

"Kaylee, she's due now. I wanna keep it consistent to let her heal quicker. Can't it wait til next time?"

"A few minutes won't hurt."

"You don't even know where he is," Mal pointed out. Kaylee rolled her eyes.

"Ship's not that big, Captain. I'll send him up soon." Kaylee turned and walked away before Mal managed to get another objection in. He sighed, shaking his head. Inwardly he hoped Kaylee wouldn't find Simon; his gut was telling him that forcing Simon to see his sister could only cause trouble. However, since experiencing a pregnant Kaylee, Mal was disinclined to argue with her. He reluctantly continues on his way to find his charges, hoping against hope that Simon wouldn't appear.

Simon kept up his protestations until the moment he was in earshot of the infirmary. Kaylee continued berating him for a few minutes before realising he'd stopped. She huffily dragged him upward. Defeated, he let himself be guided toward the infirmary, and most likely the thing he'd been dreading for the past two days.

Through the windows of the infirmary he could see three figures, hear the murmur of their voices as he got close. Kaylee squeezed his arm; Simon looked round and she gave him a reassuring smile. He tried to give one back.

They entered the infirmary without notice at first; Simon was all to ready to let this continue, but Kaylee spoiled it for him.

"Hello all," she said pointedly. All eyes turned to the new arrivals as the conversation died down; Simon saw Mal watching him and River's eyes light up.

"You made it, doc," Mal commented. Simon smiled as best he could.

"Yeah…" he had planned to say more, but was interrupted.

"Simon!"

"Hello River," Simon said, trying to sound normal. He moved forward and awkwardly embraced his sister. She didn't seem to notice.

"I'm so glad to see you," she said.

"Me too…" He subtly pushed her back, trying to smile as she beamed at him, "so… I've got to give you some medicine, huh?"

"Yeah," River grinned. Simon kept smiling, aware of Mal's eyes burning into the back of his neck.

"How are you, Ben?" Simon asked, spotting the boy standing behind River. He wished Mal and Kaylee would leave. More, though, he wished _he _could leave.

"I'm good, thanks," Ben smiled. River's gaze hadn't left her brother; Simon was trying to ignore that face while he gently pushed the antibiotics through her drip.

"That's good…River, can I check your wound?"

"Sure," River complied instantly. Simon examined the infection probably more intently than needed, but he wanted a good excuse not to talk for a while. When he figured he'd taken a sufficient amount not to be suspicious, he rose.

"I think you should switch to tablets for your antibiotics now," Simon told River, smiling despite the guilt that built as he said it; knowing he merely wanted an excuse not to keep seeing her through the days.

"This early? You sure, doc?" Mal questioned.

"I think it should be fine," Simon said, trying to push more confidence into his voice.

"Maybe we could keep her on the IV ones just in case?" Ben's worried voice sounded.

"It couldn't hurt," Mal said casually.

"No," Simon said firmly, "Tablets will be fine." Mal sighed; Simon kept his gaze away from the captain. He rummaged through draws, listening to Ben and River talk quietly with Mal adding the odd comment.

"… Must mean you're healing well."

Simon felt his cheeks go red; maybe he shouldn't prolong her recovery just to avoid talking to her.

"Here," he held a small vial of tablets out to River, "Take two every four hours… try to have something to eat beforehand or they might make you nauseas."

"Thanks Simon," River caught him off-guard as she hugged him. He patted her back awkwardly.

"Well…" he said when she released him, "come find me if… if you have any problems." Simon smiled and turned out of the room.

"Simon?"

Simon fought the urge to grimace as River's voice floated to him. He wasn't out of range of Mal and Kaylee yet.

"Mmm?" he turned back to face her.

"Can I talk to you?" River asked, seeming a little confused.

"Is something wrong?"

"No," River's brow furrowed, "I just haven't seen you in… two years. I just want to talk to you."

"Right…" Simon said unsteadily, all too aware of everyone watching him, "Sure. Why don't we go somewhere?"

"Sound's good," Simon could tell be River's slightly wavering smile that she was struggling to keep it there. His heart sank; feeling that this was going to end exactly how he had feared.

"Let's go," he said, his stomach squirming. River slid off the bed, speaking and grinning at Ben before coming to meet him at the doorway. She reached for Simon's hand; and knowing she still couldn't walk ideally, he had no choice but to take it. He could not bring himself to return the smile she offered him.

Simon sat River on his and Kaylee's bed, making sure she was alright before pulling a chair opposite her. River seemed slightly disheartened. They sat in silence for a long time; the relief of not having others watching his every move was not as much as Simon had hopes. Instead a light nausea had set in as he realised he was really going to have to face her. Simon couldn't bring himself to open the conversation. He kept looking around the room, then back at River, hoping she'd say something. Finally she spoke.

"When did you get married?"

Simon was so taken off guard by the question; he had to take a moment to swallow half-formed defences.

"Huh?"

"When did you get married?" River said again, seemingly nervous. Simon's initial relief sank again. _She just doesn't want to ask me straight out._

"Oh, uh… about ten months ago now."

"Good…" River hesitated. Simon waited expectantly for the inevitable.

"Are you mad at me?"

Not the inevitable he was thinking of.

"What?" he spluttered. River's cheeks reddened.

"I just meant… I mean you seem to not want to be here. I felt like you were avoiding me and I wondered… if you were mad at me." Simon gaped.

"Are you mad that I asked you to get me out?" River whispered. Simon didn't answer. He couldn't bring himself to tell her that she'd guessed a large part of his feelings.

"I'm sorry," River continued when he was still silent, "I didn't know you were married or… had a son. I didn't mean to mess up your life…" Simon looked up as sobs broke her words. He hadn't notices she was crying.

"But… I really needed your help. Do you really… should I really feel guilty for asking… when my life did depend on it?"

"I…" Simon wasn't sure where this was going.

"I'm not mad at you," he said timidly, reasoning that it was merely a fabrication of the truth. River looked up, her eyes red.

"You're lying," she said slowly.


	15. Chapter 15

River wasn't quite sure how she knew it. She'd had this nagging feeling that seemed to intensify behind each of his words, but it just seemed to click with his last sentence. River was certain; she just knew it. Simon was lying to her. It was like she could see it written on his head, but there was nothing there. Just the certainty. River had to comprehend this clarity whilst trying to understand why he was lying to her; a task that was making her head spin. Her heart was pounding.

"I'm not lying…" Simon frowned. This time it wasn't just the feeling that told her; she noticed the waver in his voice.

"You are," she whispered. Unsure what to do, she swallowed and looked around the room.

"River, I'm not lying to you."

Though she wasn't looking at him, she could hear it again. Now she felt a radiation of anger, frustration and, something that shocked River, fear.

"What are you scared of?" she asked suddenly.

"What?"

River couldn't understand it, but things were coming to her. Simon's intentions seemed to surround her; she gasped.

"You forgot me!" she choked. Simon's reaction told her he was surprised by her announcement, but that he didn't deny it.

"I… well… River…"

"No!" River didn't know why she said that; she was being bombarded, around trying to understand. All these things were surrounding her.

"How could you forget me?" she asked when she'd finally recovered, "I sent you letters… you replied… I don't understand." She sobbed.

"River, how are you…"

"Didn't you think of me at all?" she asked, pleading for something to tell her Simon still cared, "Didn't you… when you were getting married, did you even think of why I wasn't there?"

"We didn't have a ceremony," Simon said feebly, "Me and Kaylee eloped…"

"Stop lying to me, Simon!" River yelled, not meaning to be so forceful, but her misery and desperation caused her words to be amplified. Simon flinched.

"I'm…" River tried to apologise, but she couldn't. She seemed unable to speak for a moment. Her heart was fluttering; pounding against her chest, making her feel ill.

"How could you have forgotten me, Simon?" River asked when her voice had returned. Simon sighed.

"I don't know," he said slowly. River watched him. Suddenly she let out a loud sob.

"What?" Simon asked, shocked.

River shook her head, trying to bring herself back under control. The revelation that had just hit her had plunged too deeply. She curled up against the wall, gripping her head and trying to steady her breathing as she always did. It wasn't working… River shuddered. Why couldn't she get control of herself? Her pulse was racing.

"River…"

"No…." River had to stop him; she didn't know if she could handle anything he said yet. Finally she had to accept that she wasn't going to be able to calm down fully; she tried to straighten up but couldn't manage it fully. Simon watched her guardedly.

"Are you okay?" he asked her. River whimpered.

"You…." she gave a shuddering sob and tried again, "you didn't just forget me… you…." she choked around her tears.

"You _chose _to forget me." River whispered. Simon blinked. He pursed his lips, sighing.

"Yes," he admitted. River moaned.

"_Why?"_ she asked, fresh tears making tracks down her cheeks. Simon didn't meet her eyes. A thought hit River, she grasped at it desperately.

"Did… were they following you? Did you have to say you didn't know?"

"They weren't after me," Simon muttered.

"Then why?"

"Because I had a life!" Simon bust out with such ferocity that River cowered against the wall, "and I wanted to live it for me, fully, without having to think constantly about you!" Simon stopped, shocked at his own outburst. River looked terrified; leaning as far away from him as she could. Simon saw it, but found now that he'd started, he couldn't stop. He needed to explain himself.

"I lost everything when I tried to get you out! And I come out here, I found something better. There was no way in hell I was giving that up; I was going to put that at risk for you. I have a life too, and I have a right to live it. You can't take that away from me!"

River whimpered, pushing herself off the bed. She was feeling ill; she needed to get out. Being upright made her lightheaded; vaguely she thought she should go find Mal and ask for some help.

"River-"Simon moved to help her.

"No…" Again it was all she could manage. River's words slurred; her feet weren't going where she put them. She frowned.

"No, River, you need help!"

"I'm…" River didn't get to finish her sentence; her eyes flickered and in an instant her world dissolved into darkness.

Simon saw River fall; he ran forward and caught her under the shoulders as she collapsed.

"River?" he asked, patting her cheek. She didn't respond. Simon carefully grasped her wrist, checking her pulse. He sighed. Supporting his limp sister with one arm, he dragged her up the staircase.

Simon held Mal's gaze. He could tell the captain was trying to blame him, but he refused to take it.

"So how did this happen then?" The captain asked firmly. Ben sat in the corner, keeping his distance at Mal's orders. When Simon had brought River's limp form into the infirmary, the boy had exploded with worry and tried to pull her away; all the while screaming insults at her brother. Simon couldn't honestly blame him; everything had gone worse than he'd feared.

"I'm not sure," he said calmly, keeping eye contact, "I think it's likely that the stress of healing and the situation had adverse effects. It's likely her blood pressure dropped drastically and her heart beat quickened too fast; it's possible it stopped for a few seconds. The rest of her would have shut down as a response."

Ben whimpered from the corner. Simon sighed.

"So what do we do?" Mal asked, crossing his arms.

"Nothing," Simon said, "we let her recover and try to minimize strain on her heart."

"That all?" Mal asked. Simon fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"Yes, Mal, that's all." He turned to leave the room. "Make sure she drinks when she wakes up."

"You ain't staying?" Mal asked, surprised.

"Believe me, captain," Simon said through gritted teeth, "she's not going to want to see me." Simon left before he could be questioned further.

Mal watched him leave, snorting. He turned; meeting Ben's eyes and nodding. The boy slid off the side bench, moving over to grasp River's hand. His eyes were still red.

"Don't worry kid," Mal said gently, "we just gotta get her system back in sync."

"I thought she was getting better," Ben said dully.

"She will," Mal said firmly, "this is just a bump along the way. C'mon, Ben, don't get yourself worked up over something little."

"What do you think happened?" Ben asked.

"Hmm?"

"What do you think he said to her?"

"Not sure," Mal said, "I doubt he'll ever tell us."

"I shouldn't have let her go," Ben sighed.

"No, you did the right thing," Mal said, "she was talking to her brother. Ain't nothing sinister about that, normally. 'S not like you can see events happenin'."

"Not yet," Ben muttered. He bared his teeth.

"Hey," Mal said warningly, "we don't know the story. Don't do anything you'll regret. River would probably not like it if you hurt her brother."

"Probably not," Ben conceded, "I just don't want to see her get hurt any more."

"I know," Mal told him gently, "I've half a mind to give the doc a good kick myself, but I know it won't help."

"Mmm," Ben sighed, "do you need to be anywhere?"

"No where particular," Mal looked away from the clock, "just lookin'. I wonder when-"

Both Mal and Ben jumped when River sneezed.

"Oww…" she moaned. Ben gripped her hand.

"Hey River… don't move if it hurts."

"No," River sighed, "sneezing just hurt my stomach."

"Right," Ben said, flustered. River still hadn't opened her eyes.

"How you feeling there, youngling?" Mal asked gently. River didn't answer.

"River?" Ben asked her worriedly. Finally she responded; opening her eyes and turning to look at him.

"We need to leave," she whispered.

"What?" Ben asked, confused.

"We need to leave here," River said again. Mal threw Ben a mystified look. Ben hesitated, but he could see something in River's eyes that told him she was being completely serious. He swallowed hard.

"Why?" he asked gently. River looked away.

"Simon," she whispered, "I hurt him… take his life. We need to leave."

Ben nodded. "Okay." He squeezed her hand, attempting to poor all his love and support into that one gesture. River gave the remotest smile.

"Hang on," Mal said angrily, "Just hold on one second. You can't leave! I ain't letting' you two go out there on yer own, while she's injured and you're both being hunted by people lookin' to do you harm! It simply ain't going to happen!"

"Mal…" River said weakly.

"Uh-uh," Mal stopped her, "I don't care what vendetta your brother got going against you, he's just going to have to get over it. This is your home too now, and he can't push you out."

"He isn't," River protested, "_I'm_ saying…"

"Don't care," Mal said, "I ain't letting you go."

"You can't stop us," River pointed out."

"Really? How bout you walk out right now?" Mal raised his eyebrows. Ben shot him a look. River glared.

"Fine." She gingerly sat up. Without warning Mal tapped her shoulder forcefully and she fell back onto the cushioned bed.

"what was that for?" Ben cried.

"Who can't stop who now?" Mal asked, grinning victoriously. River sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Seriously now," Mal said quietly, "I get that you don't want to make whatever situation this is worse, but you need to have a safe place too. I ain't gonna force you to stay… I won't do that. But I'll ask ya to. I don't wanna see either of you get hurt."

"But Simon doesn't want me." River's voice was small.

"I want you." Mal said, "You two will work it out."

River looked up at Ben; still incredibly unsure. He looked back.

"It's up to you," he said quietly.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"I want whatever you decide." Ben said stoutly.

"That doesn't help," River informed him. He smiled sadly. River sighed.

"Alright," she said, looking back up at Mal, "Thankyou, we'll stay. I'm sorry…"

"Don't be," Mal told her, "I understand. I'm gonna let you two go now, if you're right to move, River. Just try not to get too stressed; S… the doc said that mighta made you pass out."

"I'll try," River sighed. Ben squeezed her shoulder. River hugged Mal as she left, trying to reaffirm her gratitude. She hadn't meant to sound ungrateful.

"Get along, darlin'," Mal patted her back, letting her off. He watched the two leave, Ben holding River tightly as she began to speak softly. Mal sighed, wondering exactly why Simon had gone and blamed the kid for ruining his life.


	16. Chapter 16

The moment they reached their room, River collapsed into Ben's arms. It was difficult trying to explain to him while tearing. He listened patiently, reminding her gently to try and stay calm. River felt utterly lost, and clung to Ben so that she knew at least there was one thing to come back to.

"I don't know where I fit in any more," she sobbed to him, "I kept myself going that whole time… because I believed I had something to go back to. I believed that I had a life and people who… people I thought loved me!" she broke again. Ben rocked her gently.

"I feel like I don't have a place… did the whole world just reject us?" she asked him, "are we not part of it any more? I know… I don't know… I just feel…"

"I know," Ben hugged her, "I understand."

"I know we found here," she continued, "I know I have you, but we're out in between everything we know. I just… I don't know where we fit in."

Ben squeezed her shoulders, sighing.

"You know why the bad things always seem so big to us?" he asked.

"Yes," River wiped hey eyes, "but I like it when you say it."

Ben laughed slightly.

"It's because we experience so much good every day," he whispered gently to her, "that when something bad comes along, it seems so large. We just have to learn to amplify that which is good instead."

River hugged him tighter. "What would I do without you?"

"Thrive, I'd expect," Ben kissed her. River sighed.

"Simon's going to be angry," she whispered.

"Are you scared of that?" Ben asked her. River fidgeted.

"A little."

"I don't think he'd ever hurt you," Ben said gently, "He's not like them, even with… what he said."

"I guess," River sighed, then timidly spoke. "I don't want to hurt him more either."

"He'll get over it," Ben said, trying to sound light hearted, "besides, you're his little sister. You have the right to annoy him."

River laughed, acknowledging his attempt. "I don't want to, though," she pointed out. Ben grinned.

"I know. You're just too nice."

River wrinkled her nose. Ben chuckled and hugged her again.

"I don't feel good," River whispered. Ben was immediately on the alert.

"Have you eaten anything since breakfast?" he demanded.

"I didn't have breakfast."

"River!" Ben rebuked, "Did you take your medicines?"

"It's not time yet… is it?" she glanced up at him.

"You've lost track," he smiled emphatically, relaxing slightly, "don't worry; you _did _pass out after all. Actually, that can't be making you feel that good."

"Mmm," River agreed.

"Let's get some food into you then," Ben said, getting to his feet, "I can't believe you missed the most important meal of the day."

"Well… well… Nyah" River poked her tongue out at him. Ben laughed.

"Can't come up with a better comeback than that, genius?"

"I guess I just know you're right," River said innocently. Ben laughed again, but stopped when River grasped his hand. Turning, he saw her looking a little ill.

"What is it?" he asked, worried.

"I forgot," she whispered, "To tell you… When I was talking to Simon, I knew things."

"Knew things how?" Ben asked carefully. River gave him a look.

"In the way they used to ask us," she elaborated, "Like when someone was angry, but not showing it, or know who the person was before they said it. It was like what you heard them saying they wanted to do to us. I think they've succeeded again."

"You're sure?" Ben asked, absolutely desperate, "Maybe it was something else."

River shook her head. "It was definitely like…"

"Damn," Ben sighed, taking her in his arms, "I'm sorry… I thought I destroyed it all."

"It's not your fault," she whispered, squeezing his arm comfortingly, "you did your best. They were bound to pick up on it again."

"Ben pulled away; River let him, knowing he needed to. He walked carefully around before pounding his fist into the wall. River jumped.

"Hey!" she said, then softening her tone, she grasped his shoulders and pulled him away. "Hey, come on. Don't do that."

"Sorry," Ben said sheepishly, "I just got a bit…"

"I know," River soothed.

"Being a psychic… it's not as fun as it's cracked up to be. I just _so _wanted to stop them from doing it to you."

"I understand," River told him gently.

"I know you do," Ben grinned, "between the two of us we may just make one emotionally healthy person. What do you think?"

"I think we're fine how we are," River said seriously, "and we've just got to deal with the things we have to deal with."

"When did you get so smart?" Ben teased. River raised her eyebrows.

"Right," Ben grinned, you always were. Well come on, smartypants, let's get some food and medication into you." Ben offered his hand, which River took with a smile. Sliding the door open, she grinned.

"I wonder if anyone heard you abusing the wall."

"It had it coming."

"What were you thinking?!"

Simon had been expecting Mal to track him down. Vaguely he wondered how much River had told him. _No doubt she'll turn most of the ship against me,_ he thought bitterly.

"Regarding?" Simon asked coolly, on the defence.

"What did you say to your sister?" Mal asked him furiously. Simon sighed.

"Not much, honestly."

"Ho," Mal said, angrily, "Well within them small words musta been a lot. So why has she supposedly messed up your life?"

"I didn't say that," Simon said.

"I ain't sure of the exact wording, but you sure got her thinking it." Mal yelled. Simon didn't flinch.

"I simply told her my reasons for not writing to her or helping her escape," Simon said calmly, "and to help her understand, I told her why."

"An' why exactly was that?" Mal growled.

"Because," Simon held Mal's gaze, "I was not going to lose the life I build here, with you and Kaylee, the way I lost everything beforehand when I attempted to help her. I was not going to risk this too."

"So you blamed her for getting fired," Mal said venomously, "then decided that warranted letting her be tortured in some… place?"

"It was much more than being fired," Simon fought to keep the frustration out of his voice, "But yes, I decided I would not respond."

"And you told her all this?" Mal asked incredulously, "you told her that it was her fault you lost your job an' that?"

"I did," Simon said, "she needed to understand, and she was mature enough to hear it."

"Mature enough?" Mal exploded, "I don't care how mature she acts, she's just a kid! A scared and terrified kid, who counted on you and loves you unconditionally, and you've turned around and thrown it all back in her face! How do you think she feels, hearing she'd screwed up your life? 'Cause I can tell you how she feels! I just had to convince her not to run off the ship into the black just so she wouldn't hurt you no more! Do you have any idea what'd happen to them if they left? Or is that an acceptable trade for your life here, _Dr Tam?" _Mal finished scornfully.

"She what?" Simon asked, feeling like he'd been slapped.

"Fei-fei duh pee-yen," Mal swore, "River, being a better person than you, tried to leave so you wouldn't have to 'suffer her presence'. She don't wanna hurt you! Are you that much of an idiot that you can't see that River only _cares about you?"_

"I didn't know," Simon blushed. Mal shook his head.

"I can't believe I let Kaylee marry you," He spat, before walking off.

"How did it get so late?" River asked in bewilderment, watching Ben carrying plates to the overcrowded table.

"A combination of factors, I believe," Ben said, "you see, it starts with seconds, then minutes…"

"Alright, alright," River grumbled playfully. Andrew gargled and reached his chubby fist out towards her face. River rocked him gently.

"Thanks for holding him!" Kaylee called from the stove. Ben shot a grin at River as he set the plates down.

"Its fine," River assured her, "I just wish I could help more."

"No heavy lifting," Ben reminded her sharply. River nodded.

"Besides," Kaylee said brightly, "you an' him got some lost time to make up on."

"True," River smiled, tickling Andrew's stomach and earning herself an angelic smile.

"if you're done with them Ben, would you mind lighting' the burner before callin' everyone up?" Kaylee asked.

"Consider it done," Ben smiled. Kaylee beamed back, lifting the pot over.

"So, didja get to have a good chat to your brother?" Kaylee asked River while Ben spoke into an intercom.

"Yeah," River kept her eyes fixed on Andrew, "It was good to catch up."

"Brilliant," Kaylee trilled happily. River smiled.

"They're on their way," Ben sidled back over, shooting River a look. River suddenly had the disconcerting feeling again as she suddenly knew that Ben had overheard them. She could pick up on him telling her he was proud of how she was coping. Despite the discomfort of the link, she smiled her thanks at him.

_I know you did the best to stop this,_ she thought hard, unsure if it would work. Ben blinked, and smiled sadly.

"This should make up for no breakfast," he smiled, sitting beside her. River grinned.

"I'm sure."

Slowly people filtered into the kitchen, talking in their own respective conversations. Inara and Bok both came over to talk to Ben and River, as did Wash. River watched a large man she'd not met sit and begin eating with gusto.

"Simon, can you take Andrew from River so she can eat?" Kaylee called over the noise. River's face flushed, she shot a panicked expression at Ben.

"I'll do it, River," he said loudly, "don't you go straining yourself."

River tried to communicate her thanks through her eyes as Ben took the child from her. He briefly leaned in and kissed her cheek.

"Here you go," Ben handed Andrew to Simon.

"Thanks," The doctor looked away as Ben's suddenly hard eyes bored into his.

"You managing to keep busy?" Wash asked River, shifting her attention.

"Yeah," River smiled, "well… I mean, nothing specific as of yet, but I'm definitely not bored."

"Good to hear," Wash beamed, nodding to Ben as he sat back down, "we'll if you need, I've got a pretty good link to the cortex up in the cockpit. Just come find me if you want to try and access anything."

"Thanks," River smiled, "I will."

"Hey girl, can you pass the food?" River blinked as a man watched her.

"Sure," she said nervously.

"This is River, Jayne," Kaylee said reprovingly. Jayne grunted.

"Nice to meet you," River said timidly, before briefly turning to Kaylee.

"I thought Jayne was a girl's name," she whispered in confusion. Something banged on the table and River jumped. Jayne was glaring at her.

"Jayne," Mal cautioned, "she didn't mean it."

"Nothing is obvious to the uninformed," Wash defended. River shrank under his gaze, remembering others who had looked at her like that when she was uncooperative.

"I'm sorry," she said. Ben gripped her arm and glared back at the man.

"Whatever," the man said finally. Slowly conversation around the table resumed. River sighed, finally filling her stomach. Ben raised his eyebrows at her as she tucked into the thick protein.

"Mmm hungny," River defended around a mouthful. Ben chuckled. River rolled her eyes at him. She watched the interactions between the crew with interest, laughing silently to herself. At some of them. Her eyes hit Mal and a large amount of cheer that wasn't hers hit her. She swallowed hard, shifting her gaze.

"When do you get used to this?" River whispered to Ben.

"Get used to what?" he asked.

"You know," River tapped her head as inconspicuously as she could. Ben frowned.

"Just try to ignore it," Ben squeezed her hand under the table, "I'll try and help you after dinner, when we can talk. Okay?"

"Okay," River agreed. She focused back on her dinner and the crew, laughing at Wash's remarks. Looking at the man called Jayne again, she sensed a brooding ager. River looked away quickly, and after a while it faded. She sighed, looking at her bowl of protein but could not focus on it. She glanced upward again; and locked eyes with Simon.

A pulse of resentment hit her hard. River gasped, dropping the spoon. Ben glanced at her. The sensation only lasted a moment, but her head was still pounding with it.

"Excuse me," River said breathlessly, pushing herself away from the table. She scampered away as quickly as possible.

"I'll be back in a second," she heard Ben say. River stopped outside the kitchen, resting against the doorway and waiting for him to come.

"What's wrong?" he asked, brushing her hair out of the face. River slid down the wall into a sitting position, panting. Ben crouched in front of her.

"River, talk to me, please," he whispered.

"How do you stand this?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"It gets better," Ben assured her, "I'm sorry."

"I could hear… Simon," River swallowed hard, "I don't want to… can you stop it?"

"You'll learn not to notice it," Ben whispered, "it doesn't happen all the time." River sighed.

"You'll be okay," Ben promised her gently. River nodded. Ben hugged her.

"I'm going to tell the others you're tired, so you don't have to go back in there. Okay?"

"Thanks," River sighed, holding her head in her hands.

"No problem," he said, "I'll be back."

River nodded, keeping her eyes closed. She could hear Ben walking away, and soon heard him speak. River pressed the palm of her hand against her eyes, attempting to gain more darkness but instead causing spots to erupt behind them. She sighed, following their progress around the inside of her eyelids. It calmed her slightly.

"Alright," River heard Ben above her, "ready to go?"

"Yeah," River sighed, opening her eyes, "oh, thanks." She took his proffered arm and he pulled her upright.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," she sighed, "I'm fine."

"I'm going to start a fine-jar," Ben told her, "like a swear jar; but every time you say 'I'm fine', I'm going to charge you."

"I have no money," River laughed.

"Dang," Ben sighed, "well… you get my point, right?'

"I do," River grinned.

"Okay," Ben chuckled, "good. Let's go." He put his arm around her shoulder. River leant into him.

"River?"

Both Ben and River jumped. Ben turned first.

"What do you want?" Ben asked quietly, anger hissing through the whisper. River gripped his hand. Simon stood halfway out of the doorway, looking thoroughly diminished.

"I…uh," Simon's eyes flitted to Ben, "Can I talk to you in private?"

"You can say whatever you need to here," River said quietly, leaning closer to Ben. Simon hesitated.

"Okay… I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry," he cleared his throat, "about… today. And I hope you can… forgive me at some point."

River glanced at the ground.

"I don't know," she whispered, before raising her head again, "Because I'm not sure if you're sorry that you did it, or you're just sorry I found out."

"I…" Simon began, but now she mentioned it, he wasn't sure himself. River sighed and turned away. Ben kissed her.

"I'll be there in a moment," he told her. River raised her eyebrows.

"Don't worry," he whispered, "I'm not going to do anything."

"I know, you'd never do that," River whispered, "I trust you." she walked slowly to their room.

Ben turned to look at Simon. The doctor shifted uncomfortably.

"I know which you're apologising for," he said quietly, "and I hope… for both your sakes that it will change." He turned and walked away, leaving Simon in the doorway.


	17. Chapter 17

River took a long time to get to sleep; the day's events kept replaying themselves around in her head. She had barely begun to fall into the weird world of half sleep when something jolted the bed beside her. River winced as the movement pulled at her stomach. When she was able, River pulled herself over to see what was wrong.

Ben was thrashing around in the bed beside her, muttering wordlessly. River blinked, shocked for a moment before pulling herself into a sitting position. She braced her stomach; trying to stabilize herself. Still trying to balance on the mattress, she reached out and shook his shoulder.

Almost as soon as her hand made contact with his skin; Ben yelled and lashed out. River yelped as his fist hit her nose. She grasped at it protectively, watching Ben over her hand. He has woken, and was looking around rather frantically. He spotted River and swore.

"I'm sorry," he said in a pained voice, moving over. River nodded.

"Let me see…" he whispered, trying to coax her hand away from her face.

"It's fine…" River sighed. Ben glared at her.

"What did I tell you about using that word?" River rolled her eyes, letting Ben pull her hand away. He examined her critically.

"I'm sorry," he moaned again.

"Don't worry," River told him, "you didn't mean it. It'll fix itself." Ben sighed.

"So," River rubbed her nose, trying to hasten the healing process, "you too huh?"

"Yeah," Ben sighed, "nightmares; not pleasant."

"I'm sorry," River grasped his hand. Ben couldn't help laughing at how she was speaking.

"You sound like you have a really bad cold," he chuckled. River swatted his head.

"What happened to not challenging me to fist fights?"

"I guess I couldn't resist," Ben laughed. River grumbled.

"Are you okay?" River asked him seriously. Ben nodded.

"Yeah. I'm sure it'll settle."

"Are you okay right _now?_" River asked, rolling her eyes.

"I'm f-"

"Ah!" River stopped him, "If I'm not allowed to saw that, neither are you."

"I don't constantly say it," Ben defended himself.

"Hypocrite," River said teasingly. Ben glared.

"Cripple," he retorted. River gasped.

"Bully," River stuck out her tongue. Ben's face fell in mock horror. River raised her eyebrows at him.

"Too far?" she asked innocently.

"That hurt," Ben pouted, his eyes glinting. River patted his shoulder patronizingly.

"Awwww, look at that face," she said, keeping her own straight, "you should get straight to bed with a face like that." Ben chuckled.

"That's not a bad idea," Ben sighed.

"That was the point," River grinned.

"Ah."

"Penny dropped?"

"Yep," Ben smiled, "night, River."

"Night Ben."

Ben made absolutely sure that River ate her breakfast the next morning, waving her medications under her nose whenever she paused. River tried to take it in good humour, but after a while it got to her.

"Can you stop that?" she asked, trying not to sound like it was that big a deal, "you're reminding me of them." Ben paled.

"S… sorry."

"It's okay," she smiled, "I know you were just playing." Ben looked away.

"Ben," River sighed, "don't." he didn't answer.

"I'll have to send you to bed again," River said, trying to be light hearted. She sighed when he continued looking down.

"Come on…" she took his shoulders, making him face her, "what's wrong?"

"I'm thoughtless," he sighed.

"No, you're not," River smiled, "I'm just sensitive."

"And I should remember that."

River sighed. "You shouldn't have to. Look, it's an innocent thing that they corrupted. Soon I'll forget and it will go back to being an innocent thing. _I'm being sensitive_, you're not insensitive. I had to ask because it was worrying me a little, but that doesn't put you at fault." She gently ruffled his hair, "so lighten up!"

Ben raised his eyes. River met them.

"You done beating yourself up?" she asked him kindly.

"I guess," he sighed, "you'll always tell me if I'm doing something that bothers you, right? I don't want to keep thinking its fine when it's making you uncomfortable."

"Yeah, I promise," River grinned, "you'll do the same?"

"Hmm," Ben rubbed his chin, feigning thought, "Maybe I'll spare your feelings."

"You'd better not," River growled. Ben laughed.

"I think it just dropped ten degrees in here," he laughed.

"I'm serious though," River said, "never spare my feelings. I don't want something to stop us from enjoying each other's company just because you were trying…"

"I know," Ben stopped her, "I mean it too." he grinned. "Lighten up!" he said teasingly.

"Yeah, sure," River snorted.

"Payback."

"You can't take anything seriously for long, can you?" River asked him, smiling.

"On occasion," Ben took it in good humour, "when I'm sad, I can brood for a while."

"I've noticed," River said cheekily, "you read too much into things. Have you ever stopped to consider that not everything's about you, and therefore not always your fault?"

"I guess my ego gets ahead of me," Ben smiled.

"What ego?" River switched back to normal, hugging him. Ben sighed.

"Alright," he said when they broke apart, picking the vial off the table, "River, would you please take your medicine now?"

"Sure," River smiled. She took the pills from Ben and swallowed them with practiced ease. Ben pulled her into a hug.

"That's my girl," he whispered proudly. River smiled, falling into the embrace.

The room was muffled by the light conversation that surrounded it, but no one was fooled that the talk was casual. Thick reports sat in from of their carriers, acting as a pillow for some as they discussed the situation. Everyone clung to theirs with desperation, knowing they needed something to show for the week's search.

The door opened and the conversation lessened a little until the room was called to order. Chairs were pulled out with scrapes and files thumped on the table as everyone took there place around the conference table. Everyone watched the head of the table, half eager to speak their piece and get it over and done with, half dreading being the first called upon.

"First things first," the worn but authorative voice rang out, "I'd like to know where exactly we're at; what out situation is. Jenston?" Eyes glanced at the man on the far left of the table; the man at the helm waiting expectantly.

"Right," nervously, the man called Jenston stood, "well, we're almost certain they're off world," he spoke, addressing the entire table, "and out of the two ports they possibly could have reached, there have been over a hundred ships docked there within the time frame. From here, with looking into River and Ben's histories and reviewing their techniques, we've narrowed that number down to thirteen ships they would probably have boarded, 38 that they're likely to have, and a very large number that they may have decided to take anyway," the man caught himself, pulling his professional decorum back from his moment of frustration.

"This figure would not be too big a challenge," he continued, "If we knew for sure that River and Ben have remained on board a ship. Many of the ships registered a destination of planets that are merely two, three days away, meaning they may have already found a hideout or jumped ship."

"So where does this put us?" the head of the table asked. Jenston sighed.

"In all honesty sir, our position isn't good. We have too many avenues to explore, and by the time we cover the basics we may have lost them."

"I see," the man said slowly, bringing his fingers together, "Thankyou Jenston."

The man rose, leaning on the table as he addressed the crowd.

"You see our predicament," he said evenly, "and I'm sure I need not remind any of you how crucial this situation is. I'm opening the floor now to reasonable suggestions that will reel this crisis in. Ben and River must be found. Remember that both are extremely resourceful, and not just because of their training. They know how to evaluate their surroundings and their directive. They _will not _be easy to track, if we've done this at all right. Floor's open and clock is ticking, people. Ideas?"

"Have we posted a bulletin?"

"Less than an hour after their escape," the man affirmed.

"Should we run checks on all ships passing through the local quadrants?"

"It's a fair suggestion, but the time it would take and the resources would likely render it ineffectual."

"What if we limit it to those ships whose signatures were registered at the docks?"

"Alright; we'll do so if nothing else makes itself available," The man sighed, "I'm looking for some more efficient ideas. Sending out patrols is all very good, but it doesn't cover the main aim."

"What about the trigger monitor?"

The man shifted his gaze to the woman who had spoken.

"Which?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"We linked an internal monitor to River that would activate when she was triggered," the woman explained, "in case the strain was too much for her, then we could shut her down. If we send out an encoded trigger and she picks up on it, that signal will activate. All we need to do is increase our range of detection so that we will be able to locate its whereabouts, and therefore hers."

"This is dependent on River being around a linked screen," The man said slowly. The woman shrugged.

"It's likely she'll come in contact with one at some point. And it's quicker than running patrols or waiting for a response to the bulletin."

"But what about the consequences?" one man asked, "If we trigger River, it's not just going to go unnoticed, and she may hurt people!"

The woman shrugged. "So we look for a floating ship. Or, assuming she's on a planet, we wait for the local law enforcement to take her in, and then we claim authority."

"I see," the man said. He rose.

"Get to work on encoding the command. We want as little casualties as possible, so try to determine a way to either minimize the length of the effect or the overall strength of the command. Order all stations to send through a list of prisoners taken in for the next three months. I want them found as soon as possible. Meeting adjourned."

River had been trying her best to avoid Simon and keep out of his way, but she couldn't come up with a bulletproof excuse when Kaylee asked her to join them for a picnic lunch. Ben stood there, barely getting a word in support of River as each statement was shot down.

"You won't be imposing!" Kaylee beamed, "Would I have invited ya if you'd be imposing?"

"I'm sure you don't get off the ship that often, wouldn't you like to spend it with your family?"

"You are my family now River!" Kaylee smiled, "you an' Ben are completely welcome, an' I bet you both ain't seen the greenery for a long time either!"

"I… we…"

"I'll meet you two at midday," Kaylee cut her off, "only a bit outside the ship an' you don't have to bring anything but yerselves. Alright?"

"Thanks Kaylee," River tried to smile; deflated. Ben gripped her shoulder.

"See you soon then," Kaylee trotted away. River slumped.

"This is not going to go well," she whispered.

"It'll be fine," Ben hugged her.

"You will come, won't you?" River asked him.

"Of course," Ben knew not to even make a joke, "I promise."

They watched the crew bustling around, preparing for the job at hand.

"Hey," Ben said, "why don't you go out with Wash? You could get some fresh air."

"I don't know," River sighed.

"Go on, he's just going shopping," Ben encouraged, "get off the ship for a bit."

"What about getting spotted? That wasn't just an excuse for Kaylee."

"I know," Ben grinned, "but still, it could be good for you."

"Alright," River sighed. Ben laughed.

"Don't make it sound like such a chore."

"Sorry, I'm just nervous."

"I know." Ben smiled. "Let's go ask him."

"No problem!" Wash beamed, "you'll probably be easier to shop for than Zoe!" He laughed, but stopped when his Wife glared at him.

"Oh, I didn't mean… I don't need anything," River fumbled.

"Of course you do, you can't keep wearing hand-me-downs. Well, I mean you can, but…" he sighed. "I got nothing. But we'll get you some new clothes anyway."

"I really don't need anything."

"River, face it you're not going to win," Ben laughed, "I'll catch up with you later."

"What!?" River started, turning around to grab his arm, "you're not coming?"

"No," Ben smiled reassuringly.

"But…"

"You'll be fine," Ben whispered. River mouthed wordlessly.

"Will you…"

"I'll meet you at lunch," Ben grinned, "don't worry, I won't…" He coughed, glancing at Wash and lowering his voice, "I won't let you go through that on your own."

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

"Nothing," Ben grinned. River rolled her eyes at him.

"Go," Ben laughed, "get out of here. I'll see you soon."

"Love you," she whispered.


	18. Chapter 18

River couldn't quite say she enjoyed shopping with Wash. She loved his company; the happy man seemed to find amusement in almost every object. However River was constantly at wits end trying to find a balance between not letting him buy her too much, yet not appearing disinterested or ungrateful. She was thoroughly exhausted by the time the two trundled back to the ship, River resigned to the two bags she carried. Off to the side she could see Kaylee shaking a picnic mat before laying it down in the grass a short distance from the ship. River sighed, wondering how she was going to survive the rest of this day.

"So what're your plans for the rest of this day?" Wash asked her cheerfully, "care to join me for some food?"

"No thankyou," River smiled, speaking with regret, "me and Ben are meant to meet Kaylee for lunch."

"Ah, then I won't keep you," Wash smiled, already busily helping himself. River laughed.

"Thanks Wash, I really appreciate it."

"Don't mention it," Wash grinned at her. River nodded, still smiling as she made her way up the stairs.

"Ben?" she called, searching around corners. She was almost at the door of her room when he came bursting out, closing the door quickly behind him.

"Hey! Did you have fun?"

"Yeah…" River said carefully, "what were you doing?"

"I… I fell asleep," Ben said sheepishly, his face going red. River raised her eyebrows at him.

"Okay… you ready to go?"

"Are you?" Ben laughed.

"Really no," River sighed, falling into her nerves.

"It'll be okay," Ben took her shoulder, walking with her."

"I was trying to stay out of his way," she muttered, Ben didn't even need to ask who she was talking about, "I don't want him to think I'm trying to… force my way into his life, into his family."

"He won't think that," Ben said comfortingly, not even believing his own assertion. River laughed.

"Did anyone ever tell you you're a really bad liar?"

"Yeah, you have about seven times now."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Don't apologise!" Ben laughed, "Did you have your midday medicines?"

"No, Simon told me to take them with food."

"Right," Ben nodded, "got 'em with you?"

"Yeah," River sighed.

"Okay, we're all set," Ben smiled. They stood at the door of serenity, both looking nervously out at the picnic spot.

"Let's do this thing," Ben sighed.

One of the hardest parts was trying to figure out where to put her eyes. River didn't want to look at Simon; she knew he would not appreciate it. She didn't want to look at Kaylee constantly as she knew staring was rude; and looking at Ben River feared would give away her uneasiness. She watched Andrew for a few moments, before switching her gaze back and forth from Ben and Kaylee. Luckily it was quiet at the moment, as everyone was enjoying the food and outdoors. In between bites though, Ben would try to talk animatedly with Kaylee, leaving paths for River to add some input; part of his attempts to disguise the lack of conversation otherwise. Simon had barely spoken aside from accepting food from his wife or agreeing to hold Andrew while she made a sandwich. River hoped they would find an escape route soon after they had finished eating.

"So," Kaylee said, glancing from Simon to River, "you too must have some pretty funny stories from when you were kids, huh?" River glanced at Ben; he smiled encouragingly.

"I suppose," Simon forced a smile. River couldn't help thinking of a few of their adventures. She had to try not to laugh when she remembered Simon climbing a tree that has supposedly come alive and was holding River captive in its top branches. They had always had such fun together.

"Wanna share any?" Kaylee asked. River grinned.

"Can't think of any," Simon said dismissively. River stopped, her mouth open and heat coloured her face.

"What about you, River?" Kaylee asked. River glanced around, her mouth moving wordlessly. She felt incredibly hurt; her chest ached horribly. For the first time she realised the extent to which Simon had cut her out of his life.

"I-I… I don't remember, sorry..." she managed. Ben gripped her hand.

"Aww," Kaylee seemed disappointed, "neither of you can remember nuffin' bout being kids?"

"I'm still a kid," River whispered, quiet enough that only Ben could hear. She stared hard at the ground, willing her tear ducts shut.

"No," Simon said simply, focussing back on his food. River merely shook her head.

"Well, what did you want to do if you'd stayed at school, River?" Kaylee asked.

"I…" River swallowed, looking up again and smiling. She could feel Ben's hand.

"I wanted to be a dancer," River said, "Probably a ballerina, but any form really… I always wanted to get into the Osiris Dance Academy when I was little."

"I'm going to go change Andrew," Simon said stiffly, standing and walking off. River tried hard not to watch him go.

"A Ballerina?" Kaylee seemed not to notice her husband walking off, "That's so cool! I never took any dancing lessons, but I always liked watching it. Did you ever do _Swan Lake_?"

"I did it when I was seven," River beamed.

"Wow," Kaylee grinned, "That's very… wow."

"Take your Meds if you're finished eating?" Ben asked River gently.

"Sure," River sighed, taking the bottle from him, "do you think we can go?"

"Kaylee, do you mind if we head back to the ship?" Ben asked.

"Sure, go ahead." Kaylee smiled, "I'll see you two at dinner."

"Would you like help packing up?" Ben asked.

"Nah, its fine. You to go get some rest."

"We will," River smiled, accepting Ben's arm as he pulled her up, "Thanks Kaylee, I really appreciate you inviting us. It was fun." River hoped she sounded sincere. She really did consider Kaylee a kind person.

"Great!" Kaylee beamed, "let's do it again sometime!"

"Yeah," River smiled, inwardly screaming 'no, never!'

She and Ben walked slowly toward the ship, River releasing a pent up breath as soon as they were out of earshot.

"Give me some examples of how that could have gone worse," she begged Ben, "I need a bright side."

"A large swarm of dinosaurs could have come attacked us. What's wrong?" he asked, alarmed when River sobbed.

"The independence cut us off with dinosaurs," she sniffed, "How … why doesn't Simon want to remember that?"

"Maybe he just doesn't," Ben offered. River gave him a look.

"He did. I could tell."

"Yeah, so could I," Ben sighed, "but Kaylee's nice."

"Yeah, she's great," River took a deep, shuddering breath, "I… I don't think Simon could have found anyone better." The tears she had denied were finally coming.

"Oh River," Ben sighed, stopping and pulling her into a deep embrace, "I'm so sorry…"

"I'm…" River wiped her eyes, "… not going to say fine."

"You're so brave," Ben laughed.

"I'm a coward inside," River sighed, still trying to hold herself together.

"Never," Ben said fiercely, "don't ever think that."

"Then why can't I get over this?" River said, her voice shaking.

"You don't have to," Ben whispered to her, "It hurts, and that's okay. That doesn't make you a coward, or diminish you in any way."

"What did I do wrong?" River asked him, "I just don't know what to do, I can't figure it out!"

"Come on Riv," Ben whispered, "let's focus on the good things…" They had reached the ship, they weather had only just begun to change and the air at become crisp.

"Come with me," Ben said suddenly, taking River's wrist and pulling her along.

"Where are we going?" River asked, unable to stop a small laugh.

"Just come," Ben was grinning, "trust me."

"Okay," River sighed, allowing herself to be pulled along. Ben led her enthusiastically around the ship's halls, stopping at their room.

"You're putting me to bed?" River frowned.

"Well, you know," Ben said, sounding smug for some reason River couldn't figure, "_I'm a bad liar_."

Ben pushed the door open. River laughed.

"Okay, maybe I wasn't quite right," she admitted.

The room had been completely cleaned and fabric flowers with fairy lights hung on the roof. In the corner sat a mahogany picnic basket that seemed to be packed full.

"You didn't eat too much before, did you?"

"No," River laughed, "Believe it or not I couldn't work up much of an appetite." Ben smiled.

"I know that you've been upset lately," Ben said quietly, "I just wanted to show you that not everything's bad, and that we can still be okay. We are free and we don't have anything to worry about."

"You're amazing," River smiled, "Thankyou."

Ben beamed. "Did you get any formal clothes with Wash?" he asked.

"Yeah, I did."

"Go get changed then," He grinned, "Be an individual!"

River had gotten three steps before she turned.

"Wash was _so _in on this, wasn't he?"

"He's not the only one," Ben laughed, "I borrowed the flowers from Kaylee."

"Here was me thinking I was the only one you could coerce."

"I have many talents."


End file.
